What I Learned While Traveling With an Infant

mack asleep in his sling at the airport

• two arms is not enough. (try carrying a baby in a carseat, a diaper bag, a carry-on bag, and a bag of snacks (because the diaper bag is full of bottles and formula), while dragging a 50lb suitcase with a broken handle. not physically possible, you say? i beg to differ. i also beg for a massage, because i'm still sore!)
• all pack-n-play's are not created equal. (i borrowed a pack-n-play for mack to sleep in while we were there. it didn't have any instructions and was completely different from the one we have at home. we tried to put it together at midnight...we kept trying till 2am. needless to say, mack slept on a blanket on the floor the entire time.)
• if someone offers you help, take it! (i have a really hard time accepting help and an even harder time asking for it. so, when we were waiting to board the plane, i had to put together a bottle of formula for the little guy with one hand, while holding and soothing him in the other, i had to swallow my pride and accept the help that was offered by the lady sitting next to me. or...i could just tell myself that i was doing her a favor by giving her the chance to serve her fellow man. yeah, that's what i'll tell myself.) 
• don't expect to get any time with your baby. (everyone will want to hold him. he will be passed from person to person the entire time you're there, with the exception of when he needs to be changed or fed. yup, you get him for all the dirty work while they reap the rewards. oh, and he will come home spoiled. you'll be trying to cure him of his new-found need to be held constantly for at least a week!)
• no one on the plane wants to sit by the lady with the baby, and i mean no one! (the plane was full and i was flying solo with mack, so there was an empty seat next to me until the very last person needed to be seated. the flight attendant had to insist that the guy sit next to us. he was anything but happy about it, keeping his arms folded and a scowl on his face the entire flight. he was so sure that mack would be screaming the entire time, which made me laugh to myself, because i knew differently. my sweet little boy slept the entire flight, waking up only once to eat, never making a peep. take that mr. grumpy!)

Decisions, Decisions

i've been making preparations to go back to work. i lined up my childcare. i confirmed my date to start back at work. i added to my work wardrobe. i did everything...except prepare myself for the thought of leaving my child.

sad didn't even begin to cover it. i was sobbing hysterically every time i thought about it. i just kept thinking about how long we've waited to have mack in our arms - 9 and a half years. it feels so wrong to finally bring him home, only to pass him off to someone else. it killed me thinking about missing even a single smile. or what if i missed a milestone??? that's something i could never get back and the thought alone kills me.

technically, i don't need to work. i love my job. it's exactly what i was aspiring to do and it's a wonderful environment. i've really just worked there because it provided us with some financial cushioning, helped me feel productive, and gave us incredible health insurance (IVF for free!).

the plan was to go back to work march 1st and hurry up to get going on a round of IVF. we really want to have two kids, so the sooner #2 got here, the sooner i could just be a stay-at-home mom. it got me thinking, though...would rushing to have #2 seem ungrateful for #1, especially after all we went through to have him? would we be depriving him of our attention, or giving him the impression that he isn't enough?

i've weighed my options and the only decision that feels right is for me to give up my job (and my benefits) to stay home with mack. he needs me and i need him. i know myself and i know that i wouldn't be able to function at work for missing him. my mind would be wrapped up in wondering how he's doing, if he got a good nap, if he ate on time, if he was getting enough attention... i would be a wreck, plain and simple.

as you guessed it, i quit my job. well, i didn't really quit, because technically i'll still be on the payroll as a substitute in our department, so they can still use my photography services at events. i won't have my benefits anymore, but B gets insurance through his job, so we'll be covered. our fertility treatments won't, though. it's a big sacrifice, but i have faith that if we're meant to have more children, a way will be provided.

i'm hoping that the cost of COBRA will be low enough that we can keep my insurance for a while, so that we can still do a round or two of IVF. if not, i'm okay with that.

i can honestly say that i feel complete. if we never have another child, it's going to be okay, because mack truly is enough for me. i feel so good about this decision and i'm so grateful that B is on the same page and is so supportive of this. i am just so excited about the future and about this next chapter in our lives!

Texas, Our Texas!

for those of you who are not fortunate enough to be from texas ;), that is the name of our official state song. and, yes, it is awesome, just like my home state. :)

anyway, that's where we've been, in texas visiting my family. so fun!

it was mack's first time to meet most of the family and he was quite the celebrity.

pa pa loved cuddling with him and rocking him. it reminded me of how he used to rock us and sing "you are my sunshine" when we were little. i loved watching them together, especially when they both fell asleep.

ga ga was such a huge help to me. she watched him for me while i did photo shoots for my sisters, as well as when several of us girls got together for pedicures. so fun!

here are a couple of my favorite pics from the shoots:

my sister, petey

my niece, elle

it was so great to be together as a family for this trip, since B was able to fly down from RI to go with us. he was great, stepping in to help with everything during the flight down there.

mack in B's lap

the highlight of the trip had to have been that first night there and, yes, it involved B. we had been at my parents' house for about an hour and mack, having just finished a bottle, was quite content - perfect for passing him around to adoring aunts and uncles. when he made his way back to B, i suggested he go ahead and change his diaper. he didn't mind a bit; he loves his fatherly duties. he gathered mack's things and took him into another room. about 2 minutes later i heard my name being called in a panicked tone. i ran in to find B with one hand holding mack's feet up into the air and the other hand covered in poop holding poop-filled clothes out to me and mack was lying on a changing pad with poop smeared all the way up his back, up into his hair, and even in his armpits. how does one get poop in their armpits...and how did so many people hold him without noticing?!? anyway, the look on B's face was priceless, somewhere between a smile and a grimace. i bagged the clothes, grabbed the kid, hosed him off in the bathroom, and gave him a good scrubbing. we all had a good laugh about that one. :)

i don't ever want to forget these little moments, even the ones that seem like disasters.

we had such a wonderful time and mack was a dream baby the whole trip! i loved seeing my family and miss them already.

Semi-Single Parenting

three weeks since my last post?!? there's really no excuse. the worst of it, though, is that it's been that long since i've even read (let alone comment on) other blogs or even logged onto facebook. where does the time go???

i could blame it all on the fact that B is only able to be a weekend father, since he's been back in RI since mack was a week old, not to mention the fact that his contract up there has been extended past the year mark, but i won't. all it really boils down to is a lack of time management.

you see, between all the feedings, diaper changes, laundry, and other baby-related duties, i've been working on tons (lots of baby photo shoots, designed mack's birth announcement, made mack's bedding, made some fun things to hang in the nursery, made my own headboard, currently working on throw pillows, revamping lamps & an old book shelf) of projects, most of which i'll be turning into how-to posts on here. (do y'all mind that i've decided to make my crafting a bigger part of my blog?)

but how is it really going here, is probably what you're wondering. it's amazing! i'm a little bit sleep deprived, a little starved for company, a little bit up to my ears in diapers, a little neglectful of my looks at the moment (i'm talking ponytails every day - yuk!), and a lot in love.

i'm not going to lie, parenting is tough and parenting mostly on your own is even tougher. i have such admiration for women who are forced to do it all on their own, especially all those military wives whose husbands aren't able to come home on the weekends like mine does, who face that mountain of diapers and that daunting feeding schedule all by themselves on a daily basis.

i long for the weekends with B, which is when i get the most done. having someone to take a turn changing a diaper, giving mack a bottle, waking up for the 5am feeding, and holding him when he insists on napping in your arms frees up so much time and gives me just enough rest to help rejuvenate me for the coming week. i can't wait for B to be home full time again.

i just really need to figure out this whole time management thing. i've got to learn how to accomplish it all and still fit my social networking in. any tips?

and since you lasted through all of that droning on, you've earned a picture of mack!

Better and Better

when you've dreamed about something for so long, a lot of times you set your expectations so high that you're bound to be at least a little disappointed when it finally happens. motherhood is not like that at all. it is seriously everything i dreamed of and more.

there are no words to describe the love that you feel for your child. you think you know how much you'll love them, but the first time you set eyes on them, the first time you hold them in your arms, your heart swells and you are so overcome by this indescribable emotion that it is overwhelming and peaceful at the same time. i feel so humbled and blessed to have this perfect little soul entrusted to my care.


it's amazing how much you're willing to do for your child. i love B with all my heart, but cleaning up his vomit or getting peed on by him is well beyond the limits of my tolerance. if mack pukes, i patiently clean it up. if he pees on me, i laugh it off. if he wakes me up at 3:00am, i jump up to hold him. now, i wouldn't say that i love mack more than i love B, but it is a completely different kind of love, like comparing apples and oranges.

i can honestly say that i am completely and utterly happy! my life is so blessed and it just gets better and better.

now, i promise not to make all of my posts a mommy-fest or turn this blog into a mack brag book, but every now and then you'll just have to indulge me while i vent my happiness. ;)

Another Cheap Trick

one of the ways i passed the time waiting for mack's arrival was by working on projects inspired by things i saw on pinterest. (have i mentioned how much i love pinterest?!?) i figured they would make great how-to's to share on here.

today's cheap trick is a super fast & easy how-to for making your own cake stand/dessert tower. i needed these for a party i threw for christmas and i LOVE how they turned out.

here's what you'll need:
plates/saucers
candlesticks/vases
liquid nails
spray paint

 i bought my plates, saucers, candlesticks, and vases all at goodwill for $0.48 each.

arrange your pieces and attach them with the liquid nails. if you're doing a tiered tower, be sure to work on each tier independently, allow to dry, and then combine the tiers. when applying the liquid nails, be sure to press firmly and wipe away excess. let it set overnight, or until completely dry and stable.

when choosing your spray paint, be sure to choose one that adheres well to any surface. i used krylon. i've tried lots of different brands, but i always seem to go back to that one, because it drips the least, dries really fast, and works on pretty much any surface type. however, regardless of the type of paint you choose, this project will require more than one coat. just be sure not to get too close or spray in one area for too long, otherwise you'll wind up with drip marks and make sure you let them dry completely (as in a couple of days) before using.

here's the finished product:

the best part about them is that i didn't spend $30 for each one, like i would at a home goods store. in fact, i spent about $9 on all three!

Baby Face

thank you all so much for all of the sweet comments and well wishes! as promised, even if i am a little late, here are some pics of little mack.

i am so blessed to have this little face to stare at all day. every time i see him, my heart melts. yup, i'm in love. <3

i'm loving being able to put my photography skills to use on my own baby!

life has officially changed in our household. every day with a baby is an adventure and he's only 6 days old! i've already been pooped on and peed on, so i've been officially initiated into the mommy club, and the weirdest thing is that i didn't mind at all! i don't even mind when he wakes me up in the middle of the night and we all know how much i love my sleep. love will do that to ya, though.

well, mack just went to the pediatrician for the first time. actually, it was the very first time he has gotten out of the house and he did great. he slept the entire time he was in the car and didn't fuss at all in the exam. he's only down 2 ounces and grew a half an inch. dr. L said he looks great and i agree! not that i'm biased or anything. ;)

tomorrow's agenda includes laundry, diaper changes, lots of feedings, another mini photo shoot, and lots of cuddles. it's going to be a great day!

The Best Day of My Life!

today is the day i have waited for for nine and a half years. today is the day i held my son for the first time and looked into his beautiful face and fell completely, madly, and irrevocably in love. today is the day i became a mother. i have lots of pics to post, but my iPad and blogger don't seem to get along too well. i can, however, upload a few to facebook, so feel free to look there. in the meantime, i'll give you a brief rundown of the day's events. we met at the hospital at 7am and he was born at 12:47pm. i'm usually very squeamish and was really nervous about being there for the delivery, but it was actually a beautiful experience. it went really fast and he cried as soon as he came out. it was music to my ears! when i saw his face, the tears just flowed. i sobbed as i snapped pics of him getting cleaned up and weighed. i was so overcome by emotion that i could barely see to take the pics! mack weighed in at 6lbs 12oz and measured 19.75". he's a lean little guy with a calm personality. he rarely cries so far - didn't even make a sound when they had to prick his foot twice to test his blood sugar level! he eats like a champ, looks right at you when you talk to him, spends most of his time observing his surroundings, and looks like an angel when he sleeps. he is absolutely perfect in every way! he's in the nursery getting a bath at the moment and i am having withdrawals already! i can't even begin to describe the depth of the love i feel for this perfect little stranger. the moment i laid eyes on him, i experienced a complete paradigm shift, my entire world suddenly revolving around him, like a gravitational pull drew me to him and i'll never escape its grasp...but i don't want to. i love this feeling. i love this new chapter of my life. i love this tiny person who was the one that changed everything...more than words can say.

Compulsive Shopping

my name is carlia and i'm a shopaholic.

i've never considered myself to be a shopaholic before...well, before now, that is. now, oh boy...now i just can't stop! i'm not even spending large amounts at a time or even shopping for myself. it's all for this little guy that's on the way.  seriously, the kid isn't even here yet and he has a wardrobe that rivals mine!

usually B is able to keep me on track when we go to various stores, but in this situation he only enables, if not encourages me! he keeps telling me not to buy anymore clothes for the baby, but when he goes to the store with me, he's right there picking things out, too.

a couple of weeks ago we stopped at target to grab a couple of little things (non-baby related), but somehow we wound up on the baby section. (weird how that happens, like a magnet is practically dragging me toward it.) the first thing he said to me was, "we're only looking. we are not buying any baby clothes." i agreed without complaint, knowing just how full our containers of baby clothes are getting.

anyway, there we are, innocently looking around, our shopping cart bare, just like we planned. i picked up an adorable little onesie and showed it to B. we smiled and said how cute it was then i put it back on the rack. i turned my back on him for just a moment to look at something else and when i turned back around he had put it and a striped sleeper in the cart! that stinker! he was supposed to be my voice of reason, my rock, my stalwart partner... turns out, he's just a big push-over. this little guy has him wrapped around his finger and he's not even out of the womb yet.

it's clear who will be wearing the pants in this family and i doubt it will be either of us!

Tis the Season

to wish all of you a very merry christmas! and to have a terrible cold. :( that aside, we are having a wonderful day filled with love, gratitude, happiness, and, of course, gifts. ;) i hope your holiday is as wonderful as ours! by the way, how cool is it that this is the last christmas we'll ever spend without kids?!? my heart is so full. merry christmas!