The Stork Drop Zone

Semi-Single Parenting

2012-02-09T07:31:00.001-05:00

three weeks since my last post?!? there's really no excuse. the worst of it, though, is that it's been that long since i've even read (let alone comment on) other blogs or even logged onto facebook. where does the time go???

i could blame it all on the fact that B is only able to be a weekend father, since he's been back in RI since mack was a week old, not to mention the fact that his contract up there has been extended past the year mark, but i won't. all it really boils down to is a lack of time management.

you see, between all the feedings, diaper changes, laundry, and other baby-related duties, i've been working on tons (lots of baby photo shoots, designed mack's birth announcement, made mack's bedding, made some fun things to hang in the nursery, made my own headboard, currently working on throw pillows, revamping lamps & an old book shelf) of projects, most of which i'll be turning into how-to posts on here. (do y'all mind that i've decided to make my crafting a bigger part of my blog?)

but how is it really going here, is probably what you're wondering. it's amazing! i'm a little bit sleep deprived, a little starved for company, a little bit up to my ears in diapers, a little neglectful of my looks at the moment (i'm talking ponytails every day - yuk!), and a lot in love.

i'm not going to lie, parenting is tough and parenting mostly on your own is even tougher. i have such admiration for women who are forced to do it all on their own, especially all those military wives whose husbands aren't able to come home on the weekends like mine does, who face that mountain of diapers and that daunting feeding schedule all by themselves on a daily basis.

i long for the weekends with B, which is when i get the most done. having someone to take a turn changing a diaper, giving mack a bottle, waking up for the 5am feeding, and holding him when he insists on napping in your arms frees up so much time and gives me just enough rest to help rejuvenate me for the coming week. i can't wait for B to be home full time again.

i just really need to figure out this whole time management thing. i've got to learn how to accomplish it all and still fit my social networking in. any tips?

and since you lasted through all of that droning on, you've earned a picture of mack!

Better and Better

2012-01-17T20:05:00.000-05:00

when you've dreamed about something for so long, a lot of times you set your expectations so high that you're bound to be at least a little disappointed when it finally happens. motherhood is not like that at all. it is seriously everything i dreamed of and more.

there are no words to describe the love that you feel for your child. you think you know how much you'll love them, but the first time you set eyes on them, the first time you hold them in your arms, your heart swells and you are so overcome by this indescribable emotion that it is overwhelming and peaceful at the same time. i feel so humbled and blessed to have this perfect little soul entrusted to my care.

it's amazing how much you're willing to do for your child. i love B with all my heart, but cleaning up his vomit or getting peed on by him is well beyond the limits of my tolerance. if mack pukes, i patiently clean it up. if he pees on me, i laugh it off. if he wakes me up at 3:00am, i jump up to hold him. now, i wouldn't say that i love mack more than i love B, but it is a completely different kind of love, like comparing apples and oranges.

i can honestly say that i am completely and utterly happy! my life is so blessed and it just gets better and better.

now, i promise not to make all of my posts a mommy-fest or turn this blog into a mack brag book, but every now and then you'll just have to indulge me while i vent my happiness. ;)

Another Cheap Trick

2012-01-14T00:18:00.001-05:00

one of the ways i passed the time waiting for mack's arrival was by working on projects inspired by things i saw on pinterest. (have i mentioned how much i love pinterest?!?) i figured they would make great how-to's to share on here.

today's cheap trick is a super fast & easy how-to for making your own cake stand/dessert tower. i needed these for a party i threw for christmas and i LOVE how they turned out.

here's what you'll need:
plates/saucers
candlesticks/vases
liquid nails
spray paint

i bought my plates, saucers, candlesticks, and vases all at goodwill for $0.48 each.

arrange your pieces and attach them with the liquid nails. if you're doing a tiered tower, be sure to work on each tier independently, allow to dry, and then combine the tiers. when applying the liquid nails, be sure to press firmly and wipe away excess. let it set overnight, or until completely dry and stable.

when choosing your spray paint, be sure to choose one that adheres well to any surface. i used krylon. i've tried lots of different brands, but i always seem to go back to that one, because it drips the least, dries really fast, and works on pretty much any surface type. however, regardless of the type of paint you choose, this project will require more than one coat. just be sure not to get too close or spray in one area for too long, otherwise you'll wind up with drip marks and make sure you let them dry completely (as in a couple of days) before using.

here's the finished product:

the best part about them is that i didn't spend $30 for each one, like i would at a home goods store. in fact, i spent about $9 on all three!

Baby Face

2012-01-11T00:20:00.001-05:00

thank you all so much for all of the sweet comments and well wishes! as promised, even if i am a little late, here are some pics of little mack.

i am so blessed to have this little face to stare at all day. every time i see him, my heart melts. yup, i'm in love. <3

i'm loving being able to put my photography skills to use on my own baby!

life has officially changed in our household. every day with a baby is an adventure and he's only 6 days old! i've already been pooped on and peed on, so i've been officially initiated into the mommy club, and the weirdest thing is that i didn't mind at all! i don't even mind when he wakes me up in the middle of the night and we all know how much i love my sleep. love will do that to ya, though.

well, mack just went to the pediatrician for the first time. actually, it was the very first time he has gotten out of the house and he did great. he slept the entire time he was in the car and didn't fuss at all in the exam. he's only down 2 ounces and grew a half an inch. dr. L said he looks great and i agree! not that i'm biased or anything. ;)

tomorrow's agenda includes laundry, diaper changes, lots of feedings, another mini photo shoot, and lots of cuddles. it's going to be a great day!

The Best Day of My Life!

2012-01-05T23:03:00.000-05:00

today is the day i have waited for for nine and a half years. today is the day i held my son for the first time and looked into his beautiful face and fell completely, madly, and irrevocably in love. today is the day i became a mother.i have lots of pics to post, but my iPad and blogger don't seem to get along too well. i can, however, upload a few to facebook, so feel free to look there. in the meantime, i'll give you a brief rundown of the day's events.we met at the hospital at 7am and he was born at 12:47pm. i'm usually very squeamish and was really nervous about being there for the delivery, but it was actually a beautiful experience. it went really fast and he cried as soon as he came out. it was music to my ears!when i saw his face, the tears just flowed. i sobbed as i snapped pics of him getting cleaned up and weighed. i was so overcome by emotion that i could barely see to take the pics!mack weighed in at 6lbs 12oz and measured 19.75". he's a lean little guy with a calm personality. he rarely cries so far - didn't even make a sound when they had to prick his foot twice to test his blood sugar level! he eats like a champ, looks right at you when you talk to him, spends most of his time observing his surroundings, and looks like an angel when he sleeps. he is absolutely perfect in every way! he's in the nursery getting a bath at the moment and i am having withdrawals already! i can't even begin to describe the depth of the love i feel for this perfect little stranger. the moment i laid eyes on him, i experienced a complete paradigm shift, my entire world suddenly revolving around him, like a gravitational pull drew me to him and i'll never escape its grasp...but i don't want to. i love this feeling. i love this new chapter of my life. i love this tiny person who was the one that changed everything...more than words can say.

Compulsive Shopping

2011-12-27T22:25:00.002-05:00

my name is carlia and i'm a shopaholic.

i've never considered myself to be a shopaholic before...well, before now, that is. now, oh boy...now i just can't stop! i'm not even spending large amounts at a time or even shopping for myself. it's all for this little guy that's on the way. seriously, the kid isn't even here yet and he has a wardrobe that rivals mine!

usually B is able to keep me on track when we go to various stores, but in this situation he only enables, if not encourages me! he keeps telling me not to buy anymore clothes for the baby, but when he goes to the store with me, he's right there picking things out, too.

a couple of weeks ago we stopped at target to grab a couple of little things (non-baby related), but somehow we wound up on the baby section. (weird how that happens, like a magnet is practically dragging me toward it.) the first thing he said to me was, "we're only looking. we are not buying any baby clothes." i agreed without complaint, knowing just how full our containers of baby clothes are getting.

anyway, there we are, innocently looking around, our shopping cart bare, just like we planned. i picked up an adorable little onesie and showed it to B. we smiled and said how cute it was then i put it back on the rack. i turned my back on him for just a moment to look at something else and when i turned back around he had put it and a striped sleeper in the cart! that stinker! he was supposed to be my voice of reason, my rock, my stalwart partner... turns out, he's just a big push-over. this little guy has him wrapped around his finger and he's not even out of the womb yet.

it's clear who will be wearing the pants in this family and i doubt it will be either of us!

Tis the Season

2011-12-25T15:42:00.002-05:00

to wish all of you a very merry christmas! and to have a terrible cold. :( that aside, we are having a wonderful day filled with love, gratitude, happiness, and, of course, gifts. ;) i hope your holiday is as wonderful as ours!by the way, how cool is it that this is the last christmas we'll ever spend without kids?!? my heart is so full.merry christmas!

Showered with Love

2011-12-23T20:48:00.000-05:00

and gifts! ;)

a few weeks ago, my awesome, amazing friend, deb, threw me my baby shower. i was blown away by how many of my friends came, the generosity of their gifts, and the lengths at which deb went to make it a special day for me.

the decorations were beautiful!

one of my friends made me the most beautiful cake.

my sister, minerva, made her famous cake balls. i swear she has perfected the recipe, so i could eat them all day every day! they were red velvet, coated in chocolate. then she sprayed them with silver edible spray paint and drizzled them with blue chocolate. they looked fabulous and tasted even better!

here's deb, the mastermind behind my wonderful day:

here's minerva and my bestie, jay, enjoying all of the yummy treats:

here i am showing off all the loot i raked in for my little man:

thank you to everyone who was able to be there and for all of the generous gifts!

but, wait, that's not all!

last week, at work, we had a holiday party. it was filled with great food and excellent company. at the end of the party, we were going to play the gift-stealing game, greed. of course, try to self, i forgot to bring a gift for it. i planned on ducking out then, but a couple of people insisted i stay to play, assuring me that they brought extra gifts in case anyone forgot theirs. feeling guilty, i agreed to stay, but promised myself that i wouldn't steal a present from anyone.

anyway, the game went on, a few people getting picked on, never able to hold onto a present for more than a couple of minutes. at the end of the game, when everyone had a gift in hand, we were instructed to open them all at once. as i tore into mine, i was suddenly surrounded by my coworkers, placing all of their gifts in my lap and on the table next to me, shouting "surprise" and "congratulations" as they swarmed.

it took me a few moments to understand what was going on. i must have looked like a deer in headlights! i was so shocked, yet so touched by their thoughtfulness. i just couldn't get over it, especially how well they surprised me. it was so much fun and we got so many great gifts and tons of gift cards! (sorry i didn't get any pics of it, but i had no idea i needed to bring my camera that day.)

needless to say, i feel completely spoiled and so very loved!

now, for a baby update:
we're at the end of week 37 and baby boy is measuring at over 6.5lbs (a big jump from last week). at the appointment on monday, dilation was still nowhere in sight, but we had a major labor scare on thursday. contractions started at 2:45am, ranging from 5 minutes apart to 2 minutes apart. it lasted about 5 hours before slowing down. i'm glad we didn't overreact and all head to the hospital, only to be sent home. i have a feeling, however, that she'll be dilated at next week's appointment, if not delivering before week 38 is up. it's getting so close!!! EEK!!!

Tell Me About Yourself

2011-12-13T23:38:00.000-05:00

i love blog awards! it always puts a huge smile on my face when i get one, like someone out there really cares about me and is giving me a massive bear hug. :)

andrea at palm trees & rainy days and baby hopes at chasing our stork both gave me the "tell me about yourself" award. yup, i'm grinning from ear to ear right now. hee hee! thanks, ladies!!!

so, this one is more of a get-to-know-you award. i tell you 7 fascinating facts about me that you may not already know then i get to pass it on to 5 of my favorite bloggers, because sharing is caring. ;)

here we go:

i'm fascinated by all things ghostly! i've been on several ghost tours and am addicted to ghost hunters (on scifi) and ghost adventures (on the travel channel). i don't really know where this morbid curiosity comes from, but there it is.
i am terrified of being in large crowds of people. i seriously freak out, like real panic attacks. i start to get dizzy and hyperventilate and tremble. this phobia really doesn't make sense for me, since i come from such a large family. i should be used to being surrounded by people!
i caved in and started drinking coke zero again. for shame! but it tastes oh so good!
i'm obsessed with snow! i grew up in a very warm climate and didn't see real snow until i was 20. i've been in love with it ever since. i think i could live in alaska and be happy, because i am mesmerized by the falling snow...plus winter clothes are so stinkin' cute!
i had a pet goat when i was a kid. his name was ichabod, but we called him icky. he was so cute and thought he was a dog! we also raised calves. some were to sell, some were to breed, and some were to eat. we named them and bottle-fed them, knowing what their fate could possibly be. needless to say, we learned the facts of life very early. and i must say, bubba was awfully tasty!
i've worked (beyond babysitting) since i was about 14. my first job was as a janitor at our school. it was really hard work, but i learned the value of a dollar...and that i never wanted to be a janitor when i grew up. i also worked as a stable hand at a horse ranch, shoveling manure. i've done more than my share of grunt work.
i have crazy long toes. B calls them my monkey toes. their pretty dexterous, too. when i drop things, i'm usually able to pick them up with my toes, saving me the pain of having to actually bend over...because i'm lazy. i'm sure i'll appreciate this talent when i have a big pregnant belly to deal with.

now, i want to learn more about
josey @ my cheap version of therapy
marianne @ the daily miracle
bridget @ the lost stork
tiffany @ a stroll in the neighborhood
foxy @ someday

now, for those of you who are dying for a baby update (aka sarah ;) ha ha!) here's the latest. we're at 36 weeks and baby mama is not dilated yet. that means he shouldn't arrive before 38 weeks for sure (according to the doc, at least). baby boy is measuring about 5lbs this week, too, so he still has some growing to do. we're going to buy the car seat this weekend and we've decided to forgo the glider in the nursery. instead, we'll be getting a recliner! of course, it will be the kind that rocks and it's going to be unbelievably comfortable. it's not exactly what i had in mind for the nursery, but B talked me into it, reminding me of the late night feedings that could result in me falling asleep while rocking the little dude. a recliner does sound much more appealing in that situation. we've also been reading the book healthy sleep habits, happy baby. it was recommended to us by several people and it's really been an eye-opener. i'm excited/nervous to put what i'm learning into practice. well, only 4 more weeks to go till we get to experience parenthood first-hand and i'm so excited!!!

Wrapping Up

2011-12-12T23:06:00.002-05:00

i absolutely LOVE this time of year. christmas is by far my favorite holiday. i get really into the whole production of it, decorating the tree, shooting our family pics and designing our christmas card, and wrapping the presents.

speaking of which, i've really outdone myself this year, if i do say so myself. every year i coordinate the tree decorations with the wrapping paper (silver and blue) and this year is no different, but this year i've been inspired and i thought i'd share it with y'all!

i go all out with my wrapping, making sure that every present looks OCD-perfect and each one has a little bit of personality. because of all of that effort, i stress over the name tags. every year i buy the package of self-adhesive tags, pick out the best ones, and throw the rest away. what a waste of money! since i got my silhouette sd earlier this year, i was really excited to be able to cut out my own tags. cheaper and more chic!

anyway, i was telling my sister, minerva, about my idea to make my own tags and she improved upon the idea. she suggested i monogram the gifts. genius! since all of our names begin with a different letter, it totally works. plus, it looks so fancy. ;) i'm in love with this idea!

here are a couple of examples of the finished products:

love, love, love!

now, don't think that just because you don't have a cricut or a silhouette/cameo machine that you can't do this yourself. there are always adorable stencils that are super cheap and are a great alternative.

let me know if you try this with your wrapping. i'd love to see how it turns out!

I Used to Be a Good Blogger

2011-12-08T13:25:00.001-05:00

i think my blogging has gone way downhill in the last few months. i used to be totally on the ball, reading blogs daily, commenting on most posts, posting a couple of times a week, even giving out a weekly award. i'm really trying to get back into that, but i haven't quite gotten there yet.

that said, i was uber surprised to see that i got an award (a couple of weeks ago - how's that for not being on the ball?!?) from two of my favorite bloggers out there, bridget and baby hopes! it's the liebster award, a blog award meant to focus the blogs we love that have fewer than 200 followers.

i have to admit that the first time i saw the name...i kinda, maybe, sorta thought it said "lobster award". bahahaha! yup, that sounds like me. :) turns out, it's german for "dearest" or "beloved". yeah, that makes more sense.

anyway, thank you so much to bridget and baby hopes! they are both incredibly thoughtful commenters, faithful bloggers, and wonderful friends. they have each touched my heart more than once with their kindness and love. i am so happy for both of them with the new & in-the-near-future additions to their families!

now, on to the award! here's how it works:

1. thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you.

2. reveal your top five picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.

3. copy and paste the award on your blog.

4. hope that the people you’ve sent the award to forward it to their five favorite bloggers and keep it going!

it's really hard to narrow all of my favorite bloggers down to only five, but here they are (in no particular order):

1. cass at one day: i'll have my baby bump
2. rosachka at creating our miracle
3.liz at compromised fertility
4. jennifer at do i have to be a d.i.n.k.?
5. andrea at palm trees and rainy days

i love these bloggers and i think they deserve some love back!

on a side note, i'd love to get back to doing the humpday hero award, so send me your nominations!!! storkdropzone at gmail dot com

Nessie Nester

2011-11-29T22:28:00.001-05:00

the final countdown is upon us and i am so overwhelmed/excited/anxious/freaked out/overjoyed!

there's so much to do and i'm pretty much the queen of my own country now. it's called procrasti nation. ever been there? okay, okay, i'm not really procrastinating, but i'm not nearly finished with my to-do list.

most soon-to-be moms are in full blown nesting mode at this point, but i don't really have that biological drive. i do, however, have lots of people giving me lots of great advice that really motivates me to get it all done.

i've been working on the nursery and other baby things little by little and have accrued quite the wardrobe for our little guy. we've hit re-sales, clearance racks and black friday sales to save on an assortment of photo-ready outfits (as he will be photographed almost every instant of every day. that's what you get when you have a photographer mommy!). bargain shopping at its finest, really.

one of the best tips i've gotten so far is from my very own sister (E's mom - let's call her minerva. ha ha! inside joke). she told me about how she organized all of the baby clothes when he was born and it's worked so well, i thought i should pass it on to all of you.

baby clothes tend to come in sizes/age ranges like newborn, 0-3 months, 3-6 months, 6-9 months and so on. it adds up quickly and is way too much to hang in the closet all at once, not to mention how confusing it would be to have such an assortment of sizes mixed in together.

so, here's how to get it all organized in 3 easy steps:

gather/buy several transparent plastic containers. color is fine, but you'll want something you can see through, so that as you're adding to the wardrobe, you can see at first glance which sizes/age ranges you need more of.
label each container according to the size/age range it contains. i just typed them up and printed them on regular paper then taped them on the inside at either end of each container.
hang up the age range needed and store the rest in the containers. i keep my containers on the top shelf of the closet and plan to simply rotate. as he outgrows each size, i'll swap it out with the next size up and relabel the container.

that's it! easy-peasy! here's what my containers look like:

so fabulous! i just can't wait to dress him up in all of these adorable outfits!!! (if you would like this font or one like it, just let me know and i'll send it your way.)

A Gift for My Unborn Son

2011-11-22T14:41:00.001-05:00

the holiday season is upon us and that means lots and lots of gift-giving. maybe i'm a bit premature in this post, since thanksgiving hasn't even passed us by yet, but all of those commercials for black friday have gotten me thinking about gifts.

i know what i'll be getting B and most other people on my list, but what, if anything, does one give to their unborn child? i have the answer!

the gift is in the name...

so, to you my unborn son, my gift is to not name you any of the following names:

virgil
leroy
dick
gayle/gaylord
cletus
marvin
arlo
napoleon
geet
karmel
orville
heinz
pancho
fico
balder
yosemite
norman
cotton
egbert
jiro
longfellow
wanamaker
igor
sextus
vinton
waldo
nimrod
ichabod
berger
pluto

yes, son, these are real names. you're welcome.

for the rest of you reading this, my gift to you is this awesome list of baby boy names! feel free to use any and all of them! ;)

Randomness

2011-11-17T11:59:00.001-05:00

B is got home last night, so i get 2 extra days with him. YAY!
our baby shower is coming up on december 3rd. i am so excited! i can honestly say that i haven't always believed that day would come, so it feels kind of weird to type that.
we're going to see breaking dawn tonight. yes, i'm that big of a nerd, but in my defense, i worked at a book store when the books first started coming out, so i was ahead of the trend when i started reading it. ;) however, that doesn't negate the fact that i've read the entire series 3 times. i told you i am a big nerd!
i lost 3lbs in my first week of keeping track. go me!
we're going to be spending the weekend painting the trim in our house, as well as the master and guest bedrooms. so much to do, so little time...
my nephew, E, shouted from the bathroom yesterday "hey! i just squirted water poop out of my butt!" bahahahahaha! if you're my friend on facebook, you've probably already read this. if you're not my friend on facebook, you really should be. i'm just sayin'...
pinterest has been an awesome source of ideas for the newborn shoot that i'm counting down to. only 8 more weeks!!!
i have 5 photo shoots to finish editing before i can get back to my baby preparations, which i should probably be working on right now. that said, i'm signing off.

Fat, Fatty, Fat-Fat!

2011-11-14T20:42:00.001-05:00

even though i'm missing out on the whole pregnancy thing, i'm trying to remind myself of all the positives. a not-so-positive aspect of this experience has been the 20lb weight gain the fertility meds caused. however, since i've got someone else doing my dirty work in all this, it gives me the opportunity to lose the "baby weight" before the baby is even born.

8 weeks. that's all i have left before d-day. can i lose 20lbs in that short amount of time? the typical self-doubt says no, but the calculator says yes! that's only 2.5lbs a week. totally doable!

the trick is going to be to keep me motivated. usually when i have a goal i'm working toward (a race or a deadline of some sort), i can do it. well, that's as long as i don't give myself too much time. procrastination is a particular talent of mine. so, i'm going to have to keep myself accountable.

my plan is to do a weekly progress report. i work better under pressure and if i have to tell y'all about how much work i've been putting into it and what my weekly weigh-in results are, it should help keep me going.

thursday will be my weigh-in day, so stay tuned!

I Finally Did It

2011-11-09T23:21:00.003-05:00

i broke down and opened up an account on facebook. i'm not a huge facebooker, but i needed it in order to join pinterest. i keep hearing about this virtual pinboard and i'm so glad i got my invite, because i. am. hooked. i know, i know, it's just one more distraction when i should be editing photos, crocheting a baby afghan, and painting my bedroom. but it's so darn addictive!

so, feel free to hit me up on facebook and follow me on pinterest.

on facebook, keep an eye out for a carlia with this face:

or just search me by my email.

and on pinterest, look for clevercarlia or just click on the button on my sidebar.

if anyone needs an invite, let me know! :)

*in response to julia's commen:

when you first see the word "pinterest" it doesn't really make any sense, but when you break it down to pin + interest, it totally explains what it is. it's a virtual board where you pin ideas for how to's, things you want to buy, things that inspire you, etc.

as a fairly crafty person, i spend a lot of time scouring the craft blogs, which is extremely time consuming. pinterest has basically compiled a list for me, based on my interests. so now, instead of googling "christmas decoration how-to", i can just scroll down the list of ideas other people have found and repin them to my own board (basically a visual bookmarking system), so i can just go back to them when i'm ready. or, as i'm looking at blogs/websites and i happen to see something that i love or a how-to i want to try, i can pin directly from that site, which will make it available to all of the other pinners on pinterest. sharing is caring!

my life as a crafter has forever been changed. well, maybe not that dramatic, but i am totally hooked! ;)

Spooktacular!

2011-11-07T08:43:00.000-05:00

this past week has been crazy busy. aside from baby preparations and my 9-5 job, this is my busiest season for photography, so i've been completely wrapped up in photo shoots and editing.

i did make some time to celebrate halloween, though, even if i am a week late posting about it. ;)

having E around made it so much more fun to decorate the house in creepy crawly things and gave us an excuse to throw a party.

my sister made the cutest, yummiest treats (jack-o-lantern cake balls & ghost cookies), i made some decorations (but had some help putting it all up), and my brother-in-law handled the entertainment.

it was a big success! the kids loved playing hot potato and pin the tail on the cat (don't worry, dexter & jack were hiding under my bed, so no cats were harmed during this game).the kids finished the evening with a scavenger hunt adventure that led them down to the dark, scary basement where there were goodie bags waiting for them. it was so much fun!

E looked so stinkin' cute in his "jack 'n sparrow" costume, which is what he kept calling it. he cracks me up!

it was such a fun holiday! i can't wait for thanksgiving!

Confessions of an Infertile Mother-to-Be

2011-10-26T09:26:00.001-04:00

i'm breaking a rule here by talking about the surrogacy, but i kind of need to get this out of my system before it becomes word vomit that lands on whichever ears happen to be closest.

i'm going to be a mom, but i'm technically still infertile. where does that put me?

clearly, i'm feeling a little displaced these days. i'm not really sure where i fit in, whether it's in the mommy club, the preggo club, or the infertile club. well, i know i can rule out the mommy club for a couple more months, but which of the other two do i belong in? neither. it's sad, but true. i just don't quite fit into either, because i'm not pregnant, but i'm having a baby. it's a grey area that is very confusing.

it's so completely awkward to tell people that we're having a baby then have to explain that i'm not the one who's pregnant. i dread the look people give me when they hear that part, that confused, yet politely pleasant look that says "i think i'm supposed to be happy for you, but i need a moment to process this information."

i'm not at all embarrassed that we've had to go an untraditional route to have our baby, but it can be very difficult emotionally. it's hard to go register for baby gear when you're the only mom-to-be there without a baby bump. things like that kind of make me feel like an imposter at times.

the hardest part of all of this is that i don't get to feel the baby move inside me. i've felt it through her tummy several times, but i don't get that constant reminder that he's there, growing and thriving. i don't get to feel those pregnancy symptoms that can be so uncomfortable, yet so reassuring.

most of you would probably tell me that the pregnancy symptoms are overrated, that having him use your bladder as a soccer ball, the constant back pain, not being able to bend over to tie your own shoes, and all of the extra weight is not worth crying about. maybe you're right, but i still wish i was going through it.

this has been a much more difficult experience than i expected. i never stopped to consider just how emotionally taxing it would all be. i keep telling myself that i just need to focus on the positive and on my gratitude. that said, i really am so grateful that we're going to finally become parents and that someone was willing to do this for us. i love this little boy more than words can say, though i haven't even met him yet, and whether or not i carried him doesn't change the fact that i am his mother.

Sharing the Wealth

2011-10-21T07:00:00.000-04:00

in honor of ICLW (hi ICLWers!), i'm going to let you in on a secret. intrigued? i thought so.

this is more for the mommies and soon-to-be mommies, but if you aren't too superstitious and don't mind bringing something baby-related into your house, feel free to join in!

so, here it is... i opened up my money mai.ler this week and found a fabulous coupon! you know by now that i'm uber cheap, so when i see "free" on a coupon, i pretty much freak out. this particular coupon doubles up for two online stores: se.ven sli.ngs and ud.der co.vers. a free sling and a free cover!!! (i don't really need the cover, since i won't be able to nurse, but i'm jumping up and down about the sling.)

this is the one i got. i still can't believe it was free! (i did have to pay shipping, though.)

now, here's how you benefit from this...it's a generic coupon code and i'm feeling rather generous at the moment ;) , so i'm going to share the code with anyone that wants it. if you feel so inclined, shoot me an email at storkdropzone at gmail dot com, asking me for it and i'll send you the websites and the codes. just because you're awesome, no strings attached!

*their websites say that they ship to US, canada, and australia, but i'm not sure if the codes are region-specific or not. can't hurt to try, though!

Change of Plans

2011-10-18T10:00:00.001-04:00

i mentioned before that i'm going to make the crib bedding myself. well, that's still the plan. what isn't part of the plan anymore is the crib bumper. after reading this article on cnn, B and i decided that the increase in the risk of SIDS that particular piece of the bedding brings isn't worth the aesthetic.

i have to admit that i'm a little relieved. that was the one part of the bedding that really intimidated me. either way, the bedding is going to be fan-freaking-tastic and beyond adorable! i just know it!

Project: Newsboy Hat

2011-10-17T20:54:00.000-04:00

i know i'm not paying as much attention to my blog as i should be. i'm sorry! it's just because my list of projects is so long and i can only tackle it one item at a time.

this week's project is the newsboy hat. i need to make a few of these in various colors and sizes, but they're pretty fast, so they shouldn't take too long.

this is the first one i made (newborn size) and i am totally in love with it!

i wish i could give the pattern away to all of you crocheters out there, but, alas, it is not mine to give. i can, however, tell you where you can buy it. click here!

next project: baby afghan!

Best. Husband. Ever.

2011-10-11T16:01:00.002-04:00

i know i always brag about how awesome B is, but, seriously, he is.

a few weeks ago he surprised me with a thank you gift for all that i did with the move (since he wasn't around during most of it). knowing me as well as he does, he got me something that he knew i would appreciate more than flowers or chocolates or anything like that. he reserved a me a spot on a photography field trip with an award winning photographer!

most of you know that i do photography on the side (i'm a graphic designer by day), so this surprise was perfect for me.

it was scheduled for october 1st, so i'm a little late in posting about it, but it was so fun that i really had to post about it regardless. (and because i wanted to make sure B knows just how much i appreciate it - yes, he is just so awesome that he does, in fact, read this blog!)

for those of you familiar with the baltimore area, the field trip was in the mount washington area at an old factory that had been converted into a whole foods and a starbucks. i was hoping for something a little more urban, but the architecture was still pretty cool, plus there was this awesome industrial sculpture made of old rusty gears.

here are my fave pics of the day:

it was such a fun day and a huge boost to my self-confidence to find out that i'm not nearly as clueless when it comes to photography as i thought i was. thank you, B! you really are the best husband ever!

Only the Best for My Baby ;)

2011-10-07T11:00:00.000-04:00

i have to admit that i've been kind of obsessing about the whole crib thing. they're all so expensive and there are so many options. it's a little overwhelming.

i started by looking at craigslist. slim pickings, at best, plus they were all wanting practically what they paid for they're cribs when they were new! well, that was a lot of wasted time.

next, i started looking at the baby stores, as well as walmart and target. their prices weren't terrible, even for the 4-in-1 style that i wanted. they even had some really cute ones! so, i called B and told him to go online to look at a few that i had picked out. he really liked them, but, in perfect B fashion, he asked me how consumer reports rated them. huh. i didn't think of that.

B is always researching big purchases before he commits. i really appreciate how thorough he is. since this is such an important purchase, i took his advice and did my homework.

unfortunately, consumer reports didn't rate that many cribs. i think there were only about 19 on there. the one that rated the best gave me a little sticker shock. $600! yeah, no thanks. the next few rated the same and varied in prices, but the one that stuck out to me was called the emily 4-in-1 by davinci for about $280. it rated second highest and the personal reviews i read were all enthusiastically positive. i almost passed on it, though, because the only color consumer reports showed it in was honey oak. YUK!

lucky for me, amazon carries that crib in several finishes. the best part, though, is the price! they carry it for $199, which includes the toddler rail, and is eligible for the free super saver shipping. YAY! we picked the ebony finish (well, B picked it) and applied the $50 gift card to amazon that we've been saving for something special and our grand total for a brand new crib that converts to a toddler bed, a day bed, and a full size bed for only $149!

that's one huge check off my list. (insert enormous grin here.)

A Toast to RockStar

2011-09-29T06:00:00.000-04:00

i've been so fortunate to meet so many incredible people on this journey toward parenthood. so many have touched my life, supported me during difficult times, and just given me a good laugh. one such blogger would have to be josey over at my cheap version of therapy.

she has been such a wonderful cheerleader for me and so many other bloggers in the IF community. she is consistently upbeat and supportive, witty and charming, and always there to share your joys and triumphs, sorrows and heartaches, and all-around pointless posts. (i have a lot of those.) i have never seen a blogger be so good about responding to comments. she inspires me and motivates me to be a better blogger and a better friend.

when i read her post announcing her pregnancy, i was truly and genuinely ecstatic for her! she is going to be such an amazing, not to mention incredibly cool, mom. no one is more deserving of such an awesome virtual baby shower! i am so excited to be a part of it.

with such cool parents, little rockstar is destined to be awesome in his/her own right. so, to get the little stinker started, i thought this onesie would quite appropriate...

www.badmouthbaby.com

or inappropriate. bahahaha! punny, huh? ;)

congrats josey!!! love ya!!! (forgive me, josey, if the onesie is a little late, but it is on its way.)

The Parenting Game: Round 7

2011-09-28T16:54:00.001-04:00

back by popular demand!

i've had some requests to play again, so i thought it would be a fun humpday post, because sometimes we just need to be able to laugh at the irony of these people being able to procreate while it's so difficult for so many of us who are so ready and able to be parents.

for those of you new to our little game, here's how it work. i show you a pic of a really bad parent in action and you leave a comment telling why you'd be a better parent without stating the obvious. the more sarcastic you are, the better! enjoy!

i'd be a better parent than this one, because i'd teach the kid to light his own dang cigarette!

you're turn!

*also, now that i'm back in the swing of things, i'm accepting nominations for our humpday hero award! email me your nominations (no limit), along with the bloggers' urls and why you want to nominate them to me at storkdropzone at gmail dot com. thanks!

Proud to be Cheap

2011-09-26T23:42:00.000-04:00

in all of my daydreaming about having a baby i kind of left out the fact that it's freaking expensive! i've never really added up the cost of all of the things for the nursery, the clothes, the diapers...the list just keeps going. it's kind of scary, especially because i'm kind of cheap (B even more so). i've never been above shopping clearance racks... or even buying second hand. yup, i am that cheap. luckily, i haven't been reduced to buying spit up stained onesies straight from the 80s at goodwill. i had a much better venue.

a few weeks ago, there was a "nearly new" sale nearby and it just happened to be right after we found out the gender, so, of course, we loaded up. aside from the awesome KISS t-shirt and tons of other completely cool baby clothes, we were able to get some of the pricier necessities.

our steals included:

pack-n-play ($40)
jogging stroller ($80)
baby einstein exer-saucer ($25)
baby bjorn ($20)

yeah, i'm pretty proud of my purchases. :)

if there's anyone interested and happens to be anywhere near the baltimore area, there's going to be another one of these sales october 8th at the howard county fairgrounds. if you go, keep an eye out for me. i'll be the crazy woman running around looking for a crib.

*on a side note: i'm getting ready to email the pics to everyone, but i still need email addresses for slese, unaffected, and niccki1211. also, the give-away is still open if you want in. :)

Time for Another Give-Away

2011-09-22T19:55:00.000-04:00

after a lot of thought...and shopping, i finally decided on the colors of the nursery. i bought the fabric for the bedding and i'm super excited about it! it's a project that will take me a little time, but there are some other smaller projects it has inspired that i can do along the way.

the first project i've started is some artwork to frame and hang on the walls. i took a little time today and put my mad graphic design skills (almost as good as nunchuk skills or computer hacking skills) to work and created a few pieces.

#1

#10

#11

ok, more than a few. i'm so in love with them that i thought i'd use them for a give-away!

this isn't your run-of-the-mill give-away, either. i really wanted to do something that everyone could win, so here's how it's going to work: if you like the artwork and would like to have a copy, become a follower (if you aren't already one) and drop me a line! the pics i've uploaded here are just thumbnails with watermarks, but the real pics are 8x10s that won't have a watermark on them. you can choose up to three pics (just tell me which numbers you want) and i'll email them to you for you to be able to print them out onto photo paper or cardstock or whatever tickles your fancy.

so, be sure to either leave me a comment or email me (thestorkdropzone at gmail dot com) with your selection(s) and your email address.

everyone's a winner!

oh, and welcome ICLWers!!!

Starstruck

2011-09-20T13:15:00.000-04:00

have you ever seen a celebrity? not necessarily an A-lister, like julia roberts, but somebody that's a somebody? how would you react? what would you say?

me? i would say nothing. that's right, i would completely freeze up and stand there like a stiff idiot, arms straight at her sides, mouth stuck in a stupid grin. you'd think that when meeting a NY times best-selling author an aspiring writer would have tons to say, lots of questions to ask, advice to get...but not me.

yesterday i photographed an event for work that included laura lippman. so cool! at the end of the event, i was able to buy a copy of her newest book, the most dangerous thing, and have her autograph it. i stood in line for 30 minutes (we had a huge crowd of people show up for the program) to meet her and get her to sign my book. that's enough time to come up with something clever to say, or at least a simple question, but my mind was completely blank during the entire wait. when i finally got my turn, she said hi and asked my name. i was able to overcome my sudden bout of shyness just long enough to answer her, but after that i froze up again. it was so embarrassing! she probably thought there was something wrong with me...mentally, ya know.

oh well. what're ya gonna do?

Only 3 More Months!

2011-09-19T07:31:00.000-04:00

am i the only one freaking out here? the little guy is now 24 weeks, aka 6 months, aka only 3 months left, aka so much to do, so little time, aka holy crap! is this really happening???, aka...ok, ok, you get the picture.

though we've obviously known about this for a while, i didn't want to start any projects or buy any baby stuff until we found out the gender, which happened only a couple of weeks ago. since then, i've created a huge to-do list and spent hundreds of dollars on baby gear (including a massive wardrobe and some big ticket items).

seriously, though, my to-do list is scary. maybe i'm overly ambitious...or just plain insane, but i plan to make a lot of the stuff myself, including his crib bedding. anyone who knows me knows that i hate cheesy baby stuff. i don't want trains and teddy bears all over the place, or weird little clown artwork (talk about creepy!) hanging on the walls. nope, i want something that looks like it came out of a magazine. that's where i get a little unrealistic, i'm sure, but it doesn't stop me from trying. i'll definitely have to post my to-do list at some point, along with some how-to's on some of the stuff i'm doing.

anyway, back to baby: he weighs a pound and a half and is about a foot long. his lungs are really developing at this point. he now has eyelashes, eyebrows, and hair, though the pigmentation hasn't happened yet. he's also starting to get crowded in there. his kicks and jabs are definitely noticeable, especially since he is a very active little guy. i've felt him kick through her tiny tummy several times, the first of which was at about 17 weeks. it was so amazing! it felt like a little butterfly fluttering under my fingers. now it feels like he's rolling around and practicing his awesome karate moves. yeah, i'm pretty sure he's going to be an athlete. ;)

Fret Not, Little Bloggers!

2011-09-15T23:29:00.000-04:00

i know it must seem like i abandoned you all, and maybe even scared a few of you, with my absence. i truly apologize for that! i have a really good reason for going MIA, though. well, i have a few, actually.

reason #1: my sister and her family decided to come visit for a while. i love having them here!!! especially my little nephew. you may recall my previous post about little E. he is just as hilarious as ever.

reason #2: we moved! the perfect house pretty much fell into our laps and we had to act fast. hence, a really quick move which kept me away from the computer for way too long.

reason #3: i cancelled my IVF cycle. now, before you freak out, i have to make a confession. i kept a teensey-weensey detail out of my blogging. B and i actually skipped ahead a few steps earlier in the year, before we jumped into trying to knock me up. it's been so long and we want a baby so badly and my body just hasn't wanted to cooperate, so...we took a leap of faith and doubled up on our efforts to have a baby by going the surrogate route, as well as pursuing trying to impregnate me.

yeah, i know that came outta left field right there, so take a minute to pick your jaw up off the floor and process all this, because there's more.

so, we didn't really expect anything to come of it, not with our luck, at least, and we didn't want to really open ourselves up to any of the questions or criticism that often accompany surrogacy. therefore, i left it out of my blog.

well, as you probably guessed, something did come of it. after getting paired with a surrogate we felt comfortable with, our little freezer babies were transferred at about the same time as my second IUI. we were both pregnant and we were so hopeful that we would get to have "twins". with all that happened with my miscarriage, it just never felt like the right time to share the news of our other pregnancy.

it was really difficult to deal with the conflicting emotions of our loss and our gain. i felt guilty for feeling so distraught when i knew that we still had a baby on the way and i felt guilty for feeling excited about our little blessing when i should be grieving the loss of our child.

hoping to lighten the load on my mind, we had planned to see how things went with the pregnancy and to go ahead with IVF, not putting all of our eggs in either basket. however, just before i was supposed to start my cycle and with things progressing with the pregnancy, i had a bit of a freak-out moment at the beginning of august. back-to-back babies! that's all i could think about. what would i do if i had two babies a few months apart?!? i would be completely overwhelmed, that's what i'd do. needless to say, i cancelled the cycle and decided to focus on our impending delivery from the stork.

i feel good about this decision and B has backed me up all the way. the plan now is that we welcome this baby and a few months later go forward with the IVF.

i'm sure this is all confusing and you must have countless questions, but this is a very sensitive topic. we really don't want this experience to be about the surrogacy. we only want to focus on the baby, so i ask that you please respect our privacy by not asking questions about anything surrogacy-related. it's important to us that this be treated just like any other pregnancy, as if i were the one carrying this child. don't get me wrong, i have no regrets about going this route and no embarrassment about needing to use a surrogate. i just want to be treated like any other expecting mommy.

so, that's the end of talking about the surrogacy...and the beginning of talking about all things baby!

as of right now, we are at 23 weeks, due january 9, 2012 and we are pleased to announce that this baby is definitely a...

drumroll, please.

BOY!!!

isn't he beautiful?

i also wanted to thank all of you who commented/emailed me to see how i was doing. it means so much to me to know that so many people care about me. i have the best readers and the best friends!!!

Love Is...

2011-07-21T14:17:00.000-04:00

a pair of socks. no, seriously!

i have been so blessed to meet so many wonderful people through this blog that encourage me, laugh with me, cry with me, support me, and understand me, people that don't have any actual ties to me or obligation to care about me. these people touch my heart and warm my soul on a regular basis.

sarah, over at baby talk, is one of those people. she's about to go through her first cycle of IVF and decided to order some cute socks for her retrieval. well, she wound up with a few pairs of them and decided to send me one for our IVF. her generosity, kindness, and sisterly love were poured into a pair of socks and the gesture brought tears to my eyes.

even miracles take a little time

man, i'm getting all sappy...but while i'm on the track, i might as well ride the train...

yesterday was B's and my 9th wedding anniversary. yup, 9 whole years. it's been an incredible journey with him, a bit of a roller coaster at times, but incredible.

B is the kind of guy who just makes you feel comfortable. his sense of humor and kind nature belie his intimidating stature. i could talk to him for hours and never tire of hearing his voice. when he hugs me, he hugs me with his whole heart. when he holds my hand i feel safe. when he kisses me i still feel the flutter of butterflies.

he challenges me when i'm wrong, but admits when i'm right. he laughs at my stupid jokes and actually thinks i'm funny. he treats me like a queen, insisting on opening all doors for me. he goes along with my crazy ideas and accepts my imperfections. he stands behind me 100% of the time and would defend me to the end. he is my best friend and my soul mate.

our life together is not perfect, but it's as close to it as i think anyone can be. i love him with all my heart, soul, and being. i am so grateful to have him as my partner in crime. how did i get so lucky?

happy anniversary, B!!!

Hero Humpday

2011-07-20T16:42:00.000-04:00

today's hero is such a sweet blogger with a wonderful story. she is always so good about showing her support through commenting. i truly hope her happily ever after is around the corner!

congratulations to...baby hopes at chasing our stork: our journey with infertility!

What an honor to be nominated for this tremendous award! Thank you, Carlia, for putting together this award to encourage us. Your creativity and thoughtfulness amaze me. I have been so inspired by each of the heroes named, and it is truly an honor to be considered among them! Thank you also to the ALI blogging community for nominating me for this award! You have all been an incredible source of encouragement, insight, and inspiration!

And now on to a quick snapshot of our journey through infertility:
I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism at the age of thirteen, and have known since then that I would face a long, hard battle with infertility. In April of 2002, I met a tattooed, hard rocking, weight lifting, bad boy engineer with a heart of gold: Mech. Five short months of a whirlwind romance later, he proposed. Before he did, I told him that if he wanted to spend his life with me, it may mean not having children by birth. He didn't even blink and said it didn't matter how our children came to us - we would be a family. We married in May of 2003.

We continued seeing specialists throughout our marriage. After two years of trying (without success) to get a more exact diagnosis other than "unexplained infertility with primary amenorrhea," we decided to move forward with trying. Six years later, with numerous unsuccessful treatments behind us (most recently, IVF this past May), we've decided to move forward toward the children we have always planned for: a son and a daughter brought home through international adoption! We are currently in the process of completing our home study. We are also working to regulate my rare form of Hashimoto's and recently have been given hope that in doing so, our chances of success with treatments after our son and daughter come home will be drastically improved.

While infertility has been one of the most difficult aspects my life, it has also given me opportunities I would not otherwise have had. I've learned much about my own strength, faith, marriage, and friendship that I doubt I would have had Mech and I not shared this struggle. I've become part of the incredible online ALI community and have been inspired daily by others who have experienced the same. I have a new found hope now that we are on our way to bringing our son and daughter home. And I am encouraged by each and every individual that takes on this horrible disease with determination and endurance!

A few other, things about me:

1. I love to travel - especially to the Mediterranean and Middle East. For obvious reasons, I'm eager to travel to Africa!
2. I'm a PhD student in International Relations. I love what I do - it allows me to combine my passions for studying ethnicity and statistics with my love for travel.
3. I went for nearly six years without driving. Between owning only one car with Mech that was a stick (which I deplore driving!) and living in cities with fantastic public transportation, I didn't have cause or opportunity to drive - until we bought my dream family SUV in February: our Murano (which we call Nissie).
4. Speaking of cars, I *love* N.issans but *hate* C.adillacs. It may have something to do with growing up with a father that loved buying used C.addies... at least three of which started on fire while my sisters and I were driving them.
5. I worked on my dad's civil engineering crew throughout high school. I've had a hand in building roads in Iowa, Nebraska, and South Dakota. During the school year, I was in classical dance, a cheerleader, and on the dance squad and flag corps... so I was what you might call a seasonal a tom boy and a girly girl.
6. I have two older sisters and one younger brother. My sister and I that are closest in age were often taken for twins and frequently mistaken for each other by our teachers in high school (both our graduating classes had less than 70 students).
7. The greatest joy for Mech and I is our seven nephews and two nieces (with another little one due in August!) - we can't wait to be parents!
8. My favorite way to unwind is to cook an elaborate meal with Mech and a glass of wine. And I love cleaning the kitchen... I can't explain it.
9. Mech and I are currently learning French with the intention of raising our children in a bilingual household.
10. I have a love/hate relationship with birds. A family of barn swallows nested above our door when I was young and terrorized us by swooping at our heads any time we left the house or came home. Later, I contracted histoplasmosis, so while I think birds are beautiful, I'm also afraid of them and have to avoid them.

And last, but certainly not least, a message to my readers:
The most important thing I've learned along the way is the importance of being your own advocate and self-education. There are so many things I would have missed had I not taken the initiative to stand up for what Mech and I want for our family, and to learn as much as I could each step of the way. The choices we have to make along the way are deeply personal - take the time you need to search out your own answers and come to decisions you feel at peace with. Then, take your stand and do whatever is in your power to fulfill your dreams. Surround yourself with those that will stand behind you and lovingly support you - this community is a tremendous source for it!

now, stop by baby hopes' blog and show her some love.

don't forget to email me your nominations at storkdropzone at gmail dot com!

The Parenting Game: Round 6

2011-07-19T19:30:00.001-04:00

it's been a while since we played the parenting game, so we're due. plus, i have a pretty awesome one today. ;)

for our newbies, here's how it goes: i show you a pic, you tell us why you'd be a better parent without stating the obvious. sarcasm is strongly encouraged and the more outrageous, the better.

here we go...

i'd be a better parent than this one, because i wouldn't insist that my child follow my career path.

your turn!

My Babies

2011-07-14T17:59:00.000-04:00

so, i've been blogging on here for about 3 years now and i just realized that i've never formally introduced my kids. i know, i know... so rude.

so, to make up for it, i thought i'd give you a close-up of those pics that everyone seemed to like so much when i posted about the frame, along with a proper introduction.

this is jack - the anti-social one:

4 year old siamese mix

well, he's only anti-social toward everyone except for me. he was a feral kitten when we adopted him and we've worked with him quite a bit. he may not be everyone's idea of a perfect cat, because he runs and hides any time he gets scared or if you even walk toward him (that includes me), but once he's in your arms he turns to putty. he never bites and never scratches, no matter what you do to him. he loves to be held like a baby with his paws and head up on my shoulder and when he's laying on the bed and i walk into the bedroom, he flips over and lets me know that he wants me to rub his belly. he eats every meal like it's his last, practically inhaling it. when i drag him out from under the bed to say hi to any visitors we have, his ostrich complex kicks in. he hides his head in the crook of my arm, as if he thinks that if he can't see you, you can't see him. he's my "special" kitty. ;)

this is dexter - mr. personality:

4 year old maine coon/snowshoe siamese mix

he loves everyone, especially jack. he always lets jack eat first, bathes him when he comes out of the litter box, and cuddles with him during nap time. he's also very smart, too smart for his own good. he understands how doorknobs work and if we don't double-check that we close doors completely, he will reach up and paw at it, shaking it enough to open it. occasionally that leads to him pushing the door closed behind himself. if he's ever missing for more than an hour, we know to check each room in case he gets stuck somewhere. he has also figured out that if he scoots the automatic feeder around enough, food will drop out, so he gets a nice little snack. he's such a stinker!

yeah, i've got some pretty cute kids. :)

Hero Humpday

2011-07-13T11:14:00.000-04:00

we have another humpday hero!!! the nominee this week is a witty blogger who pours her personality into every post. she isn't your typical IF blogger, as she blogs about more than just her journey toward parenthood. she also entertains with posts of her goals, life stories, hilarious inner monologues and wacky what-if's. regardless of whether you're an infertile or not, her blog will definitely put a smile on your face.

and now, for this week's humpday hero...junebug from junebug's musings:

I have been dropping in for a long time to check out who was nominated for the Humpday Hero Award. Never in a gazillion years did I even dream I would be nominated. Thank you! I am now attempting to decide whether to celebrate with chocolate or a cocktail or a chocolate cocktail.

I started blogging five years ago because I was bored. It seemed like something fun to do. At that point I had been TTC for four years. I was still pretty positive. I’ve been through 9 doctors and while I do currently still have an IF dr. I am not actively TTC. We are shifting gears and working our way through the adoption process. Once we have adopted our first child, I will return to TTC with more IUIs. By trade I am an actress/director, however, I have been spending most my time lately writing. I was preparing to get my MFA in Creative Writing prior to being transplanted to Savannah, GA for hubby’s job. Currently I am researching the best baby products and designing my dream nursery. I’m not on the path I dreamed. I’m not on the path I hoped. I am facing the path I was given and providing roadside litter pickup.

10 Things about Junebug:

1.      I cannot whistle. No. I can’t just put my tongue here or blow this way. I can’t whistle!! It drives me so nuts. I can’t even stand to listen to anyone else whistle. It hurts my ears but it might hurt my pride more.
2.      My husband and I dated on and off for four years of college. We went our separate ways for seven years before he found me again via classmates.com. We were married less than two years later.
3.      I can change full outfits in less than 30 seconds. A skill I learned as an actress.
4.      I once owned a goat who thought she was a cat and would sun on top of the car.
5.      My niece and nephew called me Aunt Juju because my nephew couldn’t say June when he was little. I miss hearing them call me Aunt Juju.
6.      I am the first person in my family to go straight to college and to leave with an actual degree. Much to my family’s dismay it is a BFA in Theatre Performance. “What the hell are you going to do with that?” they asked. “Do what every good actress does…wait tables.” Too bad they don’t have a degree for being a smart ass.
7.      I have been known to dance in the rain.
8.      I can only eat things when they are divided evenly in my mouth. Unless it is M&Ms in which case I have to eat them two of the same color one for each side.
9.      I love thin crust cheese pizza topped with bacon and cheese flavored popcorn. Don’t knock until you try it.
10. I often make up my own words. Such as lasterday for yesterday. It is a gift.

Message to the readers: It is easy to get mired in the muddy world of IF. I could not have imagined the amazing IF community I would find including new IRL friends. I am infertile and I adore the IF community but I found blogging about it depressing. It is easier for me to read other’s blogs and comment in a positive way if I’m not writing about the depressing bits of my journey and instead focus on the other aspects of myself. Whether you write about IF or mostly serve as support to other IFers, remember you are more than infertile. You are so much more.

congrats junebug!!!

now, don't forget to keep the nominations coming! it doesn't matter if the inspiring blogger you think deserves the award is new to the IF community or has been around for a while, whether they have 2 followers or 200. if you think they deserve some recognition, email their name and blog name to me at storkdropzone at gmail dot com.

Bang, Bang!

2011-07-11T18:16:00.000-04:00

i finished the provera yesterday and the cramps started today, but until AF actually shows up i have nothing to talk about other than the boring goings-on around here. that said, the most exciting thing to happen to me in the past week was that B and i took our guns to the range and broke them in. wow, that sounds even more redneck in writing than it did in my head. ha ha!

anyway, we had so much fun! it's been about 10 years since i've shot a gun, but it only took me a few magazines to sight in and by the end of it, i was totally schooling B. ;)

my target on the left, B's on the right

B after his 3rd magazine

me after my 3rd magazine

i majorly improved on my 4th magazine

i'm pretty much a pro now. ;) i can't wait to go again next weekend!

One-Upped

2011-07-07T20:42:00.000-04:00

i pulled out all the stops for B's birthday last month. seriously, i went to great lengths to surprise him and really make it a special birthday. and what does he do when it comes time for my birthday? he completely blows my efforts out of the water!

B has a competitive side, even when it comes to me, so when he saw how well i had surprised him, he felt the need to up his game.

i could be mad that he beat me, but i'm pretty much the one who reaped the rewards of his efforts, so i'll let this one slide. ;)

so, here's the story... i am not a morning person and when B woke me up at 6:30 am sunday morning, i was not a happy camper, especially when his reason for waking me up was that he couldn't sleep and wanted me to get up so we could go do something. i tried to ignore him in my groggy state, but he was relentless.

i finally got up and followed his instructions to dress comfortably and pack an overnight bag that included an outfit to wear to dinner. he told me he had this brilliant idea to take me hiking and camping. i tried to dissuade him by reminding him that we don't even own a tent or any other camping gear, but he kept telling me to just go with it. that became the slogan of the weekend, "just go with it".

so, B plugged an address into the GPS and we headed out onto the freeway. suddenly, B had this major need to pee, so he had me take the next exit so that he could make a pit stop. when we were headed back to the freeway, he gave me the wrong directions and we ended up in the park & ride. i started to go back, but he told me to go ahead a park and we would figure out where to go.

then he got out of the car, put his backpack on and started toward the bus stop. huh? turns out he had booked us on the megabus to NYC! sneaky...very sneaky.

when we got to the city it was raining and we practically ran 20 blocks to the hotel he booked us in for the night. turns out it was the affinia shelburne, a contemporary 4-star hotel near the empire state building. our room - oh, our room! wow! - was a corner suite about halfway up with a direct view of the empire state building. so beautiful!

taken with B's phone - sorry for the bad quality!

anyway, when we got up there he told me to hurry and change because there was another surprise. he had gotten us tickets to see wicked!!! anyone who knows me well knows how much i LOVE that soundtrack and have been dying to see the play for years.

taken with B's phone again. :(

you know when you've waited for something for a really long time and you've built up these expectations that couldn't possibly be met? well, this wasn't one of those times. the play was everything i dreamed of and more!

what a trip! it was only one night, but it was the best birthday surprise ever! B was so sweet to make my 30th birthday memorable (my b-day was tuesday). he did good, didn't he? i guess he wins. ;)

on a side note, i got a call from the clinic today telling me that they got the approval from our insurance to go ahead with the IVF! yay!

on another side note, you have to stop by my sister's blog (which i'm currently working on revamping for her) to enter her give-away! it ends tomorrow, so hurry!

Hero Humpday

2011-07-06T09:54:00.000-04:00

today's humpday hero is truly inspiring. i've been reading her blog for a while now and am amazed by her strength. i really don't think she even knows how awesome she is. i wasn't at all surprised when i got a few nominations for her, because she really is amazing.

anyway, without further ado, here's this week's humpday hero: jennifer from do i have to be a d.i.n.k.?

A big thanks to Carlia for creating this wonderful way to show support to each other! I graciously accept the Humpday Hero Award! What an honor to receive an award from my blog friends! I hope you enjoy reading our story.

Bio – My name is Jen and my hubby and I have been married for 5.5 years now and enjoying every second of it! We have been TTC for over four and a half years now. The first year was just having fun and trying to see what happens. During that time my DH’s mom was diagnosed with cancer and passed away. I don’t really consider that year part of our TTC journey because we had so much other stuff going on. The second year was spent with the “far away” RE doing testing. My DH has low morphology so the “far away” doctor wanted to do SA’s four months apart in hopes of seeing improvement. Such a big waste of our time because there was no change– we then found an awesome RE closer to home. During years three and four we have done 10 IUI’s, 2 IVF’s, and 1 FET. Two of the IUI’s worked but I miscarried at 10 weeks and at 6 weeks respectively. IVF*1 resulted in four fabulous grade A embryos. Two were transferred for the IVF and the last two for FET - Both resulted in a BFN. Jan 2011 we got our BFP with IVF#2 but lost our baby Gavin at 18.5 weeks in May. So, now we are figuring out our next steps and trying to heal our hearts from the loss.

Facts about little ole me…

I love having a blog but I know I am a horrible writer. I wish I was much more entertaining. I think I have a blog just so I can follow other peoples IF stories. They always write what I am feeling; they are just unable to express it properly.
I curse like a sailor at home but I rarely swear on my blog. Not really sure why that is.
I dated my hubby in high school for three months…then he dumped me. We stayed friends and started dating for real about 9 years later! I am one of the lucky ones who actually married their best friend.
I have two sisters and a brother. They are all married and each have four kids. Somehow the fertile gene missed me.
My degree is in Construction Management (yes, I own a hard hat)
I wish I could wear flip flops all year round. Wonder if I can get work to change our dress code?
I have decided to take my wedding dress and cut it up to make blankets, ornaments, a Christmas tree angel tree topper, etc out of it. No use in saving it and having it take up space in my closet. (this is on hold – I will only do it if I have kids)
My favorite colors are gray and brown. You should see my dull colored clothes in my closet.
I have never bounced a check
I am a closet coin collector. I love ordering coins and going to mints!

Message to my readers – I have learned many lessons in the crazy world of IF. I guess the most valuable one is that we will eventually be ok. I have been in times of great despair during this journey and each time I come out the other side ok. I hope you all find your path and it leads you to wonderful things. ~Jen

congrats to jen!!! be sure to visit her blog and show her some love.

remember, we can't give out awards without your nominations, so please send me as many as you like to storkdropzone at gmail dot com!

Cheap Tricks

2011-07-01T17:17:00.000-04:00

i'm no interior designer by any stretch of the imagination, but i know what i like. unfortunately, what i like is often way out of my price range...which is why i shop at goodwill. (don't judge.)

anyway, my birthday present to myself is a clean house with several projects crossed off my to-do list. after scrubbing toilets and vacuuming floors, i was finally free to craft it up. yay! one of my projects i am particularly proud of, so i thought i'd share it with you, in case you're having a hard time finding a nice, affordable piece of artwork.

here's what i did...one of the frames that i recently bought at goodwill just needed a little sprucing up. it was a drab greyish-wooden finish (sorry, i forgot to take a before picture), but it has some really cute accents in the corners. all it really needed was some color. so, i spray painted it red...really red.

it came with two mats, which were...well, hideous. one was gold and the other was my least favorite color in the world: hunter green. blech! lucky for me, they weren't attached to one another, so i just flipped them around to the white sides.

lastly, i had to come up with something to put in the frame. i couldn't find a photo that i really liked, plus i wanted it to look a little more artistic, since it was now such a fabulous shade of red. so, what did i put in it, you ask? paper! yup, paper. i dipped into my secret stash of scrapbook paper. well, it's not really a secret that i have it; the secret is that i keep adding to it. shhh, don't tell B! luckily, a few weeks ago i had found the cutest pack of black, white & grey scrapbook paper in all sorts of patterns at walmart and, luckily, i bought it. see, it wasn't a total waste of money! anyway, i sifted through, found a fabulous pattern that would match our color palette of black, white & red in our master bedroom, taped it to the ugly side of the mats and placed it in the frame. and, i must say, i am quite in love with it.

so, the moral of this story is that if you can't find that perfect piece of artwork, or are pinching pennies, a nice sheet of printed paper and a cheap frame can be the perfect solution.

what it cost:
spray paint: $3.50, but since i used so little of it, we'll just say $0.50
picture frame: $0.98
scrapbook paper: $5.00, but since i only used 1 sheet, we'll say $0.05

grand total:$1.53

cycle update: i got the go ahead to start taking my provera, so i should be seeing AF in about 10 days.

Queen of Everything

2011-06-30T15:39:00.000-04:00

or so my new award tells me. okay, not everything, but i do get to make three rules *insert maniacal, evil laugh* (and they're so awesome that they better stick!).

natalie over at my blog is boring gave me authority to put my power to use for the good of mankind, (check out her rules here.) so here it goes...

rule #1: dieting is being revolutionized! in fact, it's now completely opposite from what it was. that means veggies are the enemy and desserts & junk food are the good guys. broccoli is fattening and cupcakes are diet food! also included in this new weightloss plan is the exercise itself. i won't say that it's bad, because i am partial to a good endorphin rush, so we're just going to increase the results of your hard work. for every 30 minutes you work out, a whole pound is lost! for our metric using friends, that's 0.45359237 kilos. (thanks, google. you know everything.)

rule #2: life is now fair! people get what they deserve, whether it be good or bad. bad people = punishment. good people = rewards. hard work now pays off every time and good intentions have good outcomes. no good deed will be punished! and for every bad thing that happens to good people, a really good thing comes along to balance it out. ahhh, utopia!

rule #3: birthday presents are now mandatory from every person you know, with bigger presents for milestone birthdays, of course. this one comes in particularly handy right now, since my 30th birthday is on tuesday. don't worry, though, there's still time to drop it in the mail! i also accept belated presents. ;)

by the power vested in me as the overlord, i bestow this award on the following bloggers, because, well... i'm just dying to know what they're rules will be:

ashley @ traditionally nontraditional
sarah @ baby talk
junebug @ junebug's musings
jennifer @ do i have to be a d.i.n.k.
josie @ my cheap version of therapy
diana @ bun(less) in the oven
mag @ witty infertility

Hero Humpday

2011-06-29T09:58:00.000-04:00

thanks to my stupidity and forgetfulness and technical issues with my gmail account i am way behind in the humpday hero awards. (seriously, if you've emailed and i haven't responded, please resend it, because my gmail account was acting up recently and emails never came through.)

anyway, back to this week's recipient of the esteemed humpday hero award... this winner is such a positive, witty blogger, who makes you feel like you know her from reading her first post. i am a big fan and am so excited that she got nominated!

congrats to miss mac!!!

Wow, what an honor to receive an award from people who you have never met yet they care for you as if you’ve been forever friends! I graciously accept the Humpday Hero Award! Thanks to Carlia for creating this special way to show support and for the reader/s who nominated me! You have given me a mid-week boost for sure!

Bio- My blog name is Miss Mac and my sweet significant other is referred to as PC. We met in the spring of 2004 on a blind date and were married in the spring of 2005. I was 28 and he was 32. We were both settled in our careers, wanted kids from the start and decided to drop the BC soon after we were married. Less than a year later, we began the roller coaster ride of infertility. If you name it, I probably tried it. From A (acupuncture) to Z (zinc)! After many failed treatments and fading hope, we started saving for IVF. We went through our first in vitro cycle two months ago. We had five eggs, four to fertilize, two to transfer on day 3 (also our 6 year anniversary!), none to freeze, and are still in shock that one little fighter stuck with us! We are currently 16 weeks pregnant and still in complete gratitude and awe of this miracle on the way.

10 unique things about myself- yikes, I don’t really qualify for much in the unique-ness category! Nevertheless,

1. We have three furbabies. Medium, Large and a Gentle Giant!

2. I love to read but have to carefully plan to read a new book because chances are I will stay up all night to finish a good book (PC can confirm). My mom loved to go to the lake to sunbathe when I was little and I hated it. She would bribe me with a new book so I would oblige by finding a shady spot and reading while she baked!

3. Nothing relaxes me and provides stress relief like a Jeep drive with PC, no top (on the Jeep that is), no doors, no worries… on a beautiful sunny day.

4. We have an older Jeep that PC had when we married. It’s a stick shift. I’ve spent all six years of our marriage trying to learn to drive it during the summer months. I have one route near our home that includes all right turns, no hills and no traffic lights. I’m too chicken to turn on a new road! This makes me want to cry and LOL at the same time!

5. I am an only child. My parents divorced when I was two and my mom didn’t marry again until I was 21!

6. I played the xylophone in high school band.

7. I enjoy people watching much more than people mingling!

8. I’ve never flown! I’ve been on a few 10+ hour road trips but have never stepped foot on a plane.

9. I love bargains. I don’t put a lot of time into couponing but I have a goal in life to one day walk out of a store with a purchase where they owe ME!

10. I put myself through college by working two jobs and taking a lot of night classes. Still paying on the loan unfortunately, but I really appreciate that degree on the wall a whole lot more. It gave me determination to “overcome obstacles and achieve my goals!”

To my readers- I try to carry that same #10 attitude over to infertility but those mountains seemed (and still seem) way too high at times. I haven’t shared much about this journey IRL so this place has truly been a refuge where I’ve found cheerleaders, shoulders to cry on, listening ears through the vents and frustrations and hearts that understand. There are no words worthy enough to express how much each of you mean to me! You all have amazing strength, resilience, classiness and determination when it comes to overcoming the world of IF. Therefore, I virtually raise a glass to all of you and say, “to whatever means it takes to achieve your dreams, fight for it, if one door shuts- swing the next one wide open and don’t take no for an answer!” Cheers?

Thank you and love to you all… Miss Mac

remember, you choose the winners, so don't forget to send me your nominations! email them to storkdropzone at gmail dot com.

A Quick How-To

2011-06-28T09:25:00.003-04:00

i've had a few people ask about my scrolling blog list on my side-bar, so i thought i'd do a simple how-to post, in case you want to try one on your blog. (these instructions are blogger specific.)

step 1: go to your design page
step 2: click "add a gadget" on your sidebar
step 3: specify that you want to add HTML/javascript
step 4: copy and paste this code into your text box:

step 5: go to your favorite blogs and copy their button codes

step 6: paste the codes into the scrolling buttons code and press save

step 7: sit back and enjoy the parade!

FYI: the width and height are standard, but can be changed, as well as the "scrollamount", which is your speed. it's set to 5, which is what i have mine on, but feel free to change it if you want yours to go faster or slower. oh, and you aren't limited to the number of buttons you can add

I Don't Share Well

2011-06-27T20:41:00.000-04:00

maybe it's the fact that i am the 7th of 11 children and was forced to share everything when i was growing up, or maybe it's the fact that i'm a self-centered, self-absorbed, self-serving, selfish witch, but either way i sometimes have a hard time sharing.

if you try to take food off my plate, be prepared to have your hand stabbed by my fork.

if you grab a pen off my desk, be prepared to get sharpie on your face.

if you "borrow" my clothes, be prepared to pay for the dry cleaning (regardless of whether it's called for or not).

okay, so i'm really not that bad, but i've been struggling with sharing lately. in particular, i've been having a hard time when it comes to having to share B on the weekends. i only get so much time with him and i hate having him taken away from me for even a little bit of it. i sound pretty pathetic, don't i?

this weekend was so nice, not because we did anything spectacular (we've spent way too much money this month!), but because it was just the two of us the whole time. it was much needed. and now that i got that out of my system, i might just be able to share him this next weekend...maybe just a little bit.

What Happens Next

2011-06-24T13:43:00.000-04:00

this morning was my visit with dr. T and, i must say, it went very well. she thinks we need to be more aggressive, so as soon as my next cycle starts we get to move on to IVF!!!

it has taken us almost 9 years to get to this point. i can't even tell you how many times we've talked about wishing we could afford to try at least one round of IVF. we are both so unbelievably grateful to be here and to finally have this chance.

i don't want to get my hopes up, but i just can't help it. we know that i can get pregnant, so maybe being able to have the embryos graded and carefully selected will give us the full-term pregnancy we've dreamed of. B and i are both feeling very confident..i just hope we're not overly-confident. we know it may not work the first time, as well, but we know we have more chances and we know we have our back-up plans, which definitely gives us peace of mind.

this is a new chapter in our journey and i can't wait to get started!

I Did It!

2011-06-22T19:21:00.000-04:00

well, i haven't been spending all of my time with my nose in books during this break from treatments. in fact, i've crossed a few things off my list. here's my progress:

take a dose of aleve. i am so daring! none of that weak tylenol for me. i'm going for the good stuff. CHECK! in fact, i've taken a few doses...not all at once, of course.
drink a 2-liter of coke zero all by myself. i gave up caffeine months ago, but i'm going to drink it just for the sake of drinking it. ain't i a rascal? uhhh...i kind of dropped the ball on this one. actually, i just couldn't justify it, since i've been so good about not drinking any carbonation at all. i was really worried that if i gave in once, i would find a reason to do it again. so, instead i'm patting myself on the back for being good.
revamp my hair. i'm not wasting my time just polishing my look; i'm going for a major over-haul. fire-engine red, here i come! okay, maybe not that bright, but sort of in that direction. CHECK! i did it yesterday and i'm in love with my new color! the best thing about it is that now my pale, freckly skin looks very fitting. ha ha! i'll post the pic at the end.
spray paint a picture frame. no, i won't be huffing anything, but i'm not going to be that careful, either. ;) CHECK! i actually spray painted a few of them and i have a few more things to paint, as well, thanks to my awesome bargain shopping at goodwill a couple of weeks ago.
clean the litter box without rubber gloves or a medical mask. *gasp* very risky, indeed. CHECK! boo to the ya! take that toxoplasmosis!
go for a run. oh, how i miss running! i know it's not that entertaining of a task for my checklist, but it definitely belongs there. CHECK!...sort of. i have been working out consistently, including weights, yoga, spinning, but on monday i did hop on the treadmill for the first time in a couple of months. and, ya know what? i can still run 2 miles without stopping. yay me!
do jumping-jacks. not for the exercise; just to spite my doctor's instructions. yeah, i didn't do this one. i just don't like doing jumping-jacks.
eat sushi. errr...i would do this one if i liked sushi. i think i'll skip this one. just as i predicted, i didn't do this one either. sushi is not for the faint of heart and i am faint of heart.
go sky-diving. hhmmm...but i'm not suicidal, so this one's going to get skipped, too. this one was a dud, too.
eat a whole box of cupcakes. (thanks to my awesome friend, sarah, for dropping them off for me!) actually, i'm already half-way done with this one. CHECK! and they were delicious, too!

and now for the hair...keep in mind that this was taken with my little point-and-shoot after an 8 hour day at work and an hour at the gym, so don't judge. ;)

Good Reads

2011-06-21T17:29:00.000-04:00

if you're in need of some non-fertility related down-time, why not escape through a good book?

here are a couple of newly released books that i've recently read that get a thumbs up from me:

the proper care and maintenance of friendship by lisa verge higgins

synopsis: rachel, kate, jo, and sarah have been close friends since college despite their differences. rachel is an energetic, adventurous daredevil; kate is the perfect housewife; jo is a tough-as-nails career woman; and sarah is a dedicated humanitarian, who spends her time in the jungles of africa. rachel’s life is tragically cut short by cancer, but she leaves letters behind for all her friends and family, urging them to challenge themselves and step outside the boundaries of their comfortable lives. kate must go skydiving, sarah has to look up and reconnect with the one that got away, and jo is entrusted with the care of rachel’s young daughter. although kate, jo, and sarah are surprised by rachel’s requests, they can’t refuse her last wishes, and in executing them, they find out what’s really important in life.

my opinion: it's very chick-lit, but was surprisingly good. i don't usually go for anything too mushy, cliche or self-reverential that a lot of books in this genre are, but this one is none of those things. the characters were likeable and the challenges seemed pretty realistic. the writing is great, not too detailed and flows well. i give it two thumbs up, because who doesn't love a happy ending?

the lost gate by orson scott card

synopsis: danny north is an outcast in his own family, mocked by his cousins, mistrusted by the adults. one day, he discovers he has special powers—powers which are forbidden among his kind, and which, if discovered, will get him killed. so he runs away from home, determined to master his newfound abilities. these abilities make him uniquely suited to escape, and the farther he runs, the more he realizes how important he is, a chosen one, the only one who can unlock the gate to the world his people came from. now the outcast has to stay alive long enough to understand just how much he’s capable of, and how he can use that knowledge.

my opinion: there are actually two stories going on in this book, danny's and loki's, which was really confusing at first, especially because the synopsis never warned me of it. so, it took me a while to figure out where and whom the other parts were talking about. once i figured it out, though, the book really sucked me in. i've been a fan of orson scott card since i read ender's game, so i was really excited to find this in the stack of advance copies. of course, orson didn't let me down! he has this way of drawing the reader in and keeping your attention. he certainly kept mine! i breezed through this one so fast that i was sad when it ended. speaking of the ending, it's kind of a cliff hanger that really makes you anxious for a complete series. regardless, i give it two thumbs up, because i love characters with magical powers!

how's that for a completely non-fertility related post! ;)

Spoiled Rotten

2011-06-20T22:11:00.001-04:00

that's what B is - absolutely, positively spoiled rotten. :)

my plan to surprise him had to include a diversion, so i told him he could get the one thing he's been asking for for the past 6 years (besides a baby)...now don't cringe or think i'm crazy, but i told him he could get a hand gun.

luckily, there was a gun show in town this past weekend and we were able to get a great deal on a springfield xdm 40 caliber. he had wanted a glock really, really bad, but they've been on backorder for months and the springfield is pretty much the equivalent. what i didn't count on was that he would want us to have a matching pair, so that i could go to the range with him. you can take the girl outta texas, but you can take gun-toting, lasso-flinging, big-haired, red lipstick wearing texas cowgirl outta me. so, of course i said "heck yeah!" we are now waiting for the mandatory waiting period to go pick up our new weapons of minor destruction.

that was just the beginning. what he didn't know was that i had ordered him an ipad 2! oh, you should have seen his face when he opened it. he was stunned! he's been talking about them for a while and even tried to bid on one online, since he didn't know i had already bought him one. it's a good thing he lost the auction. needless to say, he spent pretty much the rest of the weekend playing with his new gadget. boys and their toys...

of course, i told him that those two gifts would have to also be his un-father's day present and anniversary present for next month. however, he did get one more present, this time not from me. our neighbor and wonderful friend, sarah, made him the most delicious banana pudding that he devoured. seriously, i didn't even get a taste. it was gone in one sitting. the sweetest part about it was the beautiful poem that she had written for him. i loved it so much that i just had to include it in this post:

there are so many little ones you've showered with your love.

we know that one is watching and waiting up above.

you've held so many little ones and kept them safe from harm.

we know that one is waiting now to come into your arms.

your little one is there and watching all you do.

your bravery and strength are known, your patience and kindness, too.

your laugh, your smile and all your quirks to little one are known.

we hope that soon this little one will come into your home.

with hearts full of hopeful faith, we pray for your little one,

and we can't wait to see in your arms your daughter or your son.

isn't she amazing?!? we were blown away by her kindness and thoughtfulness.

so, you can see how spoiled B is, now...and i'm pretty spoiled to have him in my life.

The 17th Law of Infertility

2011-06-15T19:08:00.000-04:00

the 17th law of infertility states that the day an infertile purchases a home pregnancy test is the day that her menstruation will begin.

Spare Time

2011-06-14T20:09:00.000-04:00

i've got to say, i am loving doing and thinking about things that are completely unrelated to infertility/fertility treatments. it's been great filling my spare time with fun projects, time at the gym, and with my nose in a book almost constantly.

projects: i went last friday with one of my bestest friends, J, goodwill shopping. (i'm training her in the art of bargain hunting!) we have a few different second-hand stores around here, but we wanted to try out a location we hadn't visited before. i spent under $40 on two chairs, three picture frames, and 5 small vases. (i'll point them all out when i finally get around to finishing the virtual tour of my home.) one of the chairs is a vintage green fabric chair with a great woven print. we already steam-cleaned it with my handy-dandy bissell, but it will probably need another cleaning to get rid of the old lady smell. the other chair is wooden and will be refinished (i'll try to remember to post before and after pics) and used to replace one of the chairs at the table that seems a bit shaky. the frames need painting, too, but at least the vases are all good to go with just a simple wash. why do i keep adding to my to-do list before i even cross anything else off?!? oh, well, i like being busy.

gym: i've been back for a few weeks now and i already feel a difference! i did weights yesterday and i even increased on several of the machines. (i'm way too uncoordinated to work with free weights. someday...) i've also fallen in love with the elliptical. i never realized how many more calories that burns than running! overall, i've been putting in a minimum of an hour each time and i LOVE the endorphin rush i get about mid-way through. feeling good feels so good!

books: i am the queen of stacking way too much on my plate and my reading lists is no different. i'm currently reading the 2nd book in the maze runner series, the scorch trials, as well as a discovery of witches. they're both really, but completely different from each other. most of you know i work for the library (as a graphic designer), but one of the coolest things about my job is that we get advance copies of books to take home and keep. that means that before the book is released to the public, we get a free copy in the hopes that we'll love it and spread the word about it. i have a huge stack of them that i'm anxious to tackle, but the one i'm currently reading is called the night circus. it's already a big hit overseas and summit entertainment (the makers of the twilight movies) has already signed a deal to turn it into a movie. i'm just at the beginning, but i'll try to do a review of it when i'm done.

the good thing about all of this is that it keeps me busy during the week, so the time goes by much faster till B gets home. on the other hand, i really am enjoying my alone time and all that i'm working to accomplish. i hope to have some pics of my projects and continue the tour soon. next will be my kitchen. i just have to give it a thorough cleaning and finish one small project for it before i can take pics. so, pile on the pressure, people, to help motivate me to finish!

B Day!

2011-06-13T22:09:00.001-04:00

today is B's birthday. yay! he is the big 3-5.

so, here's what i did this weekend. unfortunately, i had to work a few hours at a charity event saturday evening, so i had to make our plans around that, but it all worked out. we got up early and went and got breakfast then went to an early showing of super 8 on imax. after that, we did some clothes shopping for him (he's one of those rare men who actually enjoys shopping) and stopped for lunch.

i was able to get off work about a half hour early, which was a nice surprise. when i pulled up to the house, i noticed a text from B that said that he missed me and hoped i was having a good time at work. when i came in the door, i gave the excuse that i had to go upstairs to change and go to the restroom, so that i could sneak the last few toiletries into our overnight bags without him knowing, but he complained that i hadn't texted him back. i laughed and told him i'd text him from upstairs.

i rushed around and got everything put together then sent him a text that said "put on your shoes." he responded with "why?" and i replied with "because i want you to take out the garbage." (don't you love that we text each other from inside the same house? ha ha!) when i came downstairs with a couple of bags on my shoulder, he looked really confused and asked what was going on. i told him again to put his shoes on and that i was kidnapping him. he was so excited that it was adorable.

i didn't tell him where we were going until we got there. it wasn't a huge surprise, but it was just right for the amount of time we had. we drove down to winchester, virginia, a historic town that was where george washington grew up and where a few battles of the civil war were fought. i chose it because we both love history (we spend so much time up in gettysburg, pa and mount vernon, va) and it wasn't a far drive, since we only had a night and a day to spend there.

we stayed at aloft, a ritzy, modern hotel. it was absolutely beautiful and i got a smokin' deal on it on priceline (i LOVE that website).

we slept in, ate breakfast at ihop, and spent the rest of the day just walking around downtown old winchester admiring the architecture. it was so relaxing and so much fun to just be together.

on the way home, B said the sweetest thing. he told me that it wouldn't have mattered where i took him (though i chose well), because he knows that i'm not a planner and this is so far from the norm for me that the fact that i planned this out and completely surprised him with it meant the world to him. i love that he's so easy to please. ;)

he flew out early this morning, so we only had a little while on his actual b-day to spend together, so we'll just have to continue the festivities next weekend. the best part is that he knows of one present he's getting (he has to go pick it out on saturday) and he thinks that's his only present. little does he know that i had ordered something for him that he's really wanted for a while and it just came in today. i can't tell you what it is, just in case he reads this, but, boy, is he in for a big surprise next weekend!

A Random Dream

2011-06-09T19:42:00.000-04:00

i had a dream the other night that i can't seem to shake, which is odd, because i rarely remember my dreams.

a few months ago, B's ex-fiance (we were both engaged once before we met each other) friended us on facebook. i've never felt any sort of jealousy, competition, or animosity toward her. i don't know her and have no reason to think ill of her, so i just went with it when he accepted her friend request.

i'm certainly not a cyber-stalker, but i was a little curious to know more about her, since we don't really talk about our exes that often. turns out she got married about the same time we did and went on to have a few kids. maybe seeing that got my subconscious thinking about what would have happened if B had married her, how he would have had the chance to be a father and maybe that's why i had the dream. i don't know, because i never formalized those thoughts in my head.

either way, i dreamed about her. it wasn't an unpleasant dream, just a "where did that come from?!?" kind of dream. in the dream she and i were talking. she was telling me about her family, her children, and asking me about us. she asked if we had any kids and i told her not yet. she asked why and i explained everything to her, all about our miscarriages, our fertility treatments, our longing for children. i wasn't overly dramatic or emotional. i thought i came across as pretty strong, but as i was speaking to her, i could see that familiar look come across her face, the one that says "poor you". she told me how sorry she was for me, for us. she pitied us, it was obvious.

that's where the dream ended. nothing crazy happened - i didn't claw her eyes out or anything like that. i just woke up feeling really down, kind of sad. i'm not really sure what it meant, what my subconscious was trying to tell me. maybe i have this fear that everyone who knows what we're going through feels sorry for us or thinks "glad it's not me". maybe i feel sorry for myself. maybe i subconsciously wish B had married her, since she could give him the one thing he wants most, the one thing i can't.

i try to put on a happy face and act like i radiate positivity. i try to be sincere about it. i try to be stronger than i think i am. i try so hard to be who i think i should be, who i think everyone expects me to be. i try...but sometimes i think i fall short. i exhaust myself.

i'm not depressed, so don't start worrying about me. i'm just tired. the past several months have been such an emotional roller coaster and i just need a break. this off cycle, waiting to meet with the doctor, is actually a really good idea for me. i need to recuperate and think about things that have absolutely nothing to do with infertility.

me and B: LOVE

i'm so excited for B to come home tomorrow. monday is his birthday, which we won't get to spend together, so we're going to celebrate all weekend. i have a surprise in store for him this weekend (and another that will be a little bit late for his b-day), but i'm afraid to tell you about it, because occasionally he reads my blog. so, i'll just have to blog about it on monday. in the meantime, i'm going to get some chores done, so he doesn't come home to a filthy house.

Yup, I'm Crazy

2011-06-08T19:36:00.000-04:00

everyone says that infertility makes you crazy. why else would we spend thousands of dollars on HPTs that we know will be negative? how else can you explain our obsession with thermometers? however, i must be the exception to this rule. that's not because i'm not crazy. no, it's because i've always been crazy. it's true! i'm a little on the loca side. here's proof:

i am completely anal about things being symmetrical, balanced or straight (no crooked pictures hanging in my house!), but i am a complete slob. my bedroom currently looks like a tornado ripped through it.
my impulsiveness is insane. i once chopped my hair off on a whim. when i say chopped off, i mean gone, almost all of it. think julia roberts as tinkerbell in hook. bad, bad idea.
i talk to my cats as if they could talk back. i'm not a crazy cat lady...i don't think, but i can't seem to stop myself!
i hate feet. correction: i loathe feet. i really dislike my own (absolutely refuse to ever get a pedicure), but i cannot stand to be touched by other people's feet. one of my little sisters used to torment me by putting her sasquatch feet on me when we were sitting on the couch watching TV.
occasionally i try weird tricks for my hair and skin. i once made a hair mask out of olive oil, egg whites, and a few other interesting ingredients. it was messy and, well, a big flop. my latest find is using preparation H for my under-eyes to reduce puffiness. oddly enough, it actually works!
when i find a movie i really like, i watch it over and over again until i burn out on it. lately i've been watching the young victoria, still haven't burned out yet.
i hate crowds of people. when i'm stuck in a large group (ie. the subway in NYC), i tend to have panic attacks. i could never live in a big city.
i am the queen of starting projects and never finishing them. i have such a backlog of them that i don't know that i'll ever get to check them all off.
i like frozen french fries, emphasis on frozen. sometimes i'll put them in the oven, but if i just want a quick snack, i grab the bag from the freezer and crunch away.
i am abnormally forgetful. it is not an uncommon occurrence for me to walk into a room and not remember why i went in there in the first place.

so, you can see that my lack of brain cells and quirks have pushed me past the point of sanity and into the realm of the crazies. infertility or no infertility, i'm crazy.

The Parenting Game: Round 6

2011-06-07T17:45:00.000-04:00

since there's really nothing to report, i think now is a perfect time to play the parenting game again! i've got a really funny one this time. ;)

for those of you who have never played, here's how it goes: i'll show you a pic of a really, um...interesting parent then you leave a comment telling us why you would be a better parent without stating the obvious. the more ridiculous, the better and, of course, sarcasm is encouraged.

i'd be a better parent, because i'd get my kid a matching outfit.

i'd hate for him to feel awkward.

your turn!

What Next?

2011-06-02T19:37:00.000-04:00

yesterday morning i went in for my last blood draw for a while. my hcg level is less than 5 now, right where it's supposed to be, so it's all done.

but, where do we go from here? i know that most doctors recommend waiting at least one full cycle afterward before TTC or, in our case, do another procedure, but i hate waiting!

when the nurse called with the hcg results, i asked her where we go from here. she looked over my chart and said that dr. T wants to meet with us before we move forward. to be honest, that scares me. what if she wants to do more testing before doing another treatment? what if she tells me that there's something wrong with me, like that embryos can't implant in my uterus and i can never carry a child? what if, what if, what if... i'm trying to be rational and tell myself that this is standard procedure after a miscarriage, just to check on us to see how we're doing physically, psychologically, emotionally. B thinks maybe she'll tell us she wants to skip the 3rd and final IUI and jump right into the 1st IVF cycle. i really hope he's right.

unfortunately, the soonest she could get us in (well, just me, i guess since B won't be able to fly in in time) isn't till the 24th. that should be at the end of this cycle, which could put us right on track for the next treatment. so, that could be good, at least.

i'm just feeling a little scared right now, because i have no idea what she's going to want to do...and it doesn't help that i have to wait 22 whole days!

Hero Humpday...FINALLY!!!

2011-06-01T19:04:00.000-04:00

i'm finally back on track and this week's humpday hero is one of my favorite bloggers. since the readers of TSDZ nominated her, that means they have fabulous taste. ;)

so, without further ado, say hi to josey from my cheap version of therapy...

Bio:

My husband and I are both 29 years old and live in a tiny town in southwest Colorado (tiny = less than 1,000 people). We both love the outdoors and do lots of rafting, hiking, golfing, and snowboarding whenever possible. :) We started TTC on our 1 yr wedding anniversary in July 2009, and after nearly 2 years, countless 6 hour drives to the RE in Denver, and an injectible IUI cycle, we find ourselves on the next scary journey in life! Our little "Rock Star" is due to arrive just before Christmas, and we pray daily for a healthy pregnancy, delivery, and life for this little one. I swear too much, I travel whenever possible, and I absolutely love my blog friends!

10 Unique Things About Me:

1. My family calls me "The Queen of Everything." It started b/c of a shirt I wore a child (I still have it!), and it just stuck.

2. I'm very Type A - I plan everything...but I don't think I want to find out the gender of the Rock Star before hearing the midwife say "it's a boy!" or "it's a girl!" It kind of gives me heart palpitations to think of all the planning I couldn't get done pre-birth though if we don't find out, so we shall see.

3. I love cheese. And beer. But not necessarily in that order. It pains me that I'm a Minnesotan by birth who happens to like items that are distinctly Wisconsinish.

4. I just bought $100 of new clothes at Spo.rts Auth.ority (all pink & black!) and justified it because I've easily saved double that by not buying alcohol since getting pregnant.

5. I'm the oldest of 5 kids and LOVED having tons of siblings growing up...but thanks to our TTC issues, we're now thinking 1-2 kiddos max. Expensive!

6. I'm fluent in French...or at least I used to be, and I'm dying to get back over there asap. I'd actually love a trip there next spring. *fingers crossed*

7. I was a pretty shitty girlfriend to my now husband, but we talked through our troubles and have a strong marriage now. Screw the people who say people can't change.

8. I wasn't allowed to even say words like "retarded" or "fart" while growing up, and now I slip up and use the f* word in front of my Mom. It still kind of creeps me out and makes me stammer apologies when that happens. Sorry, Mom.

9. I was an Int'l Business double major in college and now I'm waitressing/bartending. I think at this point I'm hoping I can be a SAHM for a few years and then go back and find a job more along my original career path goals. This is also a reason we've contemplated moving to the Phoenix area - I pretty much need to be in a city for my desired career.

10. I miss my siblings every.single.day. Living so far from my family is the single hardest thing about settling down 1,000 miles from "home." It's also the single biggest reason I hope to win the lottery someday. If travel back and forth weren't a concern, it'd be so much easier!

Message for the Readers:

Don't give up, but don't put your life on hold for TTC either. I know it sounds cliché, but it's so true. In the meantime, enjoy your drinks, your freedom to go places without calling/paying for a babysitter, and the love of the family and friends you have surrounding you. That's what gets you through life whether you have kids or not!

congrats, josey!

now, my faithful friends, i need your nominations for future humpday heroes! email me the name and blog of the inspiring blogger(s) you'd like to see featured as a humpday hero at storkdropzone at gmail dot com.

Miscellaneous...

2011-05-31T20:17:00.000-04:00

i'm sorry if it seemed like i went into hiding over the weekend. since i don't have that much time with B, i've been trying to really devote what little i do have entirely to him. this last week was obviously really difficult and it was a strong reminder of just how far away he is. 6 weeks down, 46 more to go. is it just me or is the calendar slowing down?

even though i come home to an empty house (with the exception of two over-eating fur-balls), i have never felt more loved and supported. words can't express how much everyone's supportive comments have meant to me. i never could have imagined that i would find such incredible support and encouragement from random people, who are not obligated to care about me, let alone stand by me through such a difficult journey. i am so unbelievably grateful to each and every one of you who reads and comments on my blog. from the bottom of my heart, thank you!

on top of all of the support online, i have been so blessed to know such wonderful women in my everyday life, who go so far out of their way to let me know they care and are there for me. i have gotten so many calls and texts...and even a few gifts. :) i feel so spoiled and loved! i've never felt so sure that i have been brought to a certain place with certain people in my path for a reason. again...thank you!

so, i go in again for blood work in the morning. they just want to check to make sure the hcg level is less than 5 now. i haven't asked them how long we have to wait before we can do our final IUI, but i should have a chance to talk to the nurse when she calls me with the results.

i'm feeling really anxious to get going again. it feels like i have all this wasted time ahead of me. if we aren't doing a treatment, odds are that we won't get knocked up "accidentally" during this extra fertile time. it's kind of hard to time it when you have no idea when you're going to ovulate and no husband around to take care of business. it would take an actual miracle, not exactly immaculate conception, but not far from it, either!

i did my second session of acupuncture this evening. mrs. J thinks that i just need to get my body warmed up, so that it will produce more blood on its own. she feels strongly that acupuncture could make my cycles shorter and my periods more normal. i'm still feeling open-minded about everything, so i'm just going with it. unfortunately, my insurance won't cover acupuncture, but with all they do cover, i won't complain about this. i guess i'll just do my other two sessions and then see if i want to continue and, if so, how we'll swing the expense of it all. i did notice, however, that my body temperature has been higher than normal. i usually have to bundle up in a blanket when i watch TV, but that really hasn't been necessary over the past week. B, the ultimate skeptic, even noticed it!

anyway, although my house is empty, my heart is full. words don't exist to describe how grateful i am to each and every one of you. i feel surrounded by kindred spirits.

Feeling Adventurous

2011-05-26T09:17:00.000-04:00

i decided to turn myself into a human pincushion this week. sounds fun, no? i've actually wanted to try acupuncture for quite a while, but didn't want to spend the money on it. yeah, i'm cheap like that. when i got the chance to do 4 sessions for free, i was so excited! i guess i should explain how this came about.

there is a women's organization at my church that does a lot of service and things like that on a pretty regular basis. the service is usually for other people, like making hygiene kits for a battered women's shelter or making blankets to send to disaster victims, but a couple of months ago they put together a silent auction where we could auction off acts of service for each other. i auctioned off a child's photo shoot, which went to one of my really good friends, and i bid on (and obviously won) 4 sessions of acupuncture from another lady. no money was exchanged. instead, we used a point system based on a questionnaire that awarded points for activities like reading scriptures, etc.

i was really excited to have won (i had saved up all of my points for this one thing), but i guess i was a little nervous subconsciously, because it took me a while to actually redeem it. so, tuesday evening was my first appointment. i really had no idea what to expect. i'd heard that it wasn't painful, but i was a little wary.

when i met with her (we'll call her mrs J), she sat me down and asked me all sorts of questions about my menstruation, eating habits, whether i tend to be hot or cold... of course, i told her about the impending miscarriage, too. she said that she wished i had contacted her sooner, because she may have been able to help. knowing it couldn't have hurt, i'm kicking myself now.

anyway, after she gathered all of my information, she gave me my diagnosis. i don't have enough blood. apparently, my body only produces the minimum amount to survive and not enough to be truly healthy. signs of this are that i am pale (aka pasty) complected, i didn't have my first period until i was about 15, the periods themselves are very short and light, i am often tired, i am almost always cold, and i tend to get light-headed when i stand up too fast. she said it could also be the cause of my miscarriages.

so, she stuck me...several times. i only felt one, though. she put a needle in my tummy and when she did i felt it all the way to my toes on my right side. she said that means it's accessing my chi and that it's working. it sure got my attention, at least! than she burned some moxa a couple of times on my midsection. thankfully, she warned me about going out in public after the session, because the moxa would stick to me and tends to smell like weed. thanks for the head's up! i don't want to be struttin' my stuff in the grocery store smelling like ganja and run into someone i know. how embarrassing!

the session itself too just over an hour and i've got my next one set up for next tuesday. B is pretty skeptical about the whole thing. he thinks acupuncture's success comes from the placebo effect. he says that the mind is a powerful thing and when you convince yourself that something is working, it often will. i, on the other hand, am trying to keep an open mind.

have any of you tried acupuncture? has it worked for you? i'm dying to hear some real life success stories!

No Mas

2011-05-25T19:04:00.001-04:00

it's officially official. my hcg level is down to 24 and i started miscarrying this morning (oh, the pain!!!) at work and, unfortunately, i was so swamped that i wasn't able to go home early to put on the heating pad and lay down. i wound up working the full day (i even left late), but accomplished a ton and looked fabulous doing it (when i wasn't tearing up/scrunching up my face from the pain). my boss paid me a huge compliment and told me that she thinks i am handling all of this "magnificently". she then encouraged me to take tomorrow off. we'll see whether i do or not.

anyway, that's then end of my blogging about the miscarriage. it sucks majorly, but i just want to get back to some sort of normalcy. so, i am currently embarking on a quest. i have made a list of things i can do now that i couldn't do if i were pregnant and i'm going to try to cross off as much as i can before we start our next IUI. don't laugh; i'm serious about this. i'm not going to do anything wreckless, but i am going to go caaa-razy with it! ;)

i'm sure you're wondering what's on the list, so here it is:

this is the color i want. gorgeous, right?

take a dose of aleve. i am so daring! none of that weak tylenol for me. i'm going for the good stuff.
drink a 2-liter of coke zero all by myself. i gave up caffeine months ago, but i'm going to drink it just for the sake of drinking it. ain't i a rascal?
revamp my hair. i'm not wasting my time just polishing my look; i'm going for a major over-haul. fire-engine red, here i come! okay, maybe not that bright, but sort of in that direction.
spray paint a picture frame. no, i won't be huffing anything, but i'm not going to be that careful, either. ;)
clean the litter box without rubber gloves or a medical mask. *gasp* very risky, indeed.
go for a run. oh, how i miss running! i know it's not that entertaining of a task for my checklist, but it definitely belongs there.
do jumping-jacks. not for the exercise; just to spite my doctor's instructions.
eat sushi. errr...i would do this one if i liked sushi. i think i'll skip this one
go sky-diving. hhmmm...but i'm not suicidal, so this one's going to get skipped, too.
eat a whole box of cupcakes. (thanks to my awesome friend, sarah, for dropping them off for me!) actually, i'm already half-way done with this one.

did i miss anything? i'm open to suggestions!

Carlia's Sure-Fire Cure for the Blues

2011-05-24T21:01:00.001-04:00

you're probably expecting a sad, tear-filled post about "why is this happening to me?" or "woe is me!" or "what's wrong with me?"...but that's not what you're going to get. i cried yesterday. i got a little choked up this morning. i even thought about it all day long, but guess what. i'm okay. i've accepted the news and i'm moving on. i'm looking forward to trying again, horrormones (like that? i thought it was rather appropriate.) and all. how did i do it? well, i'll tell you...

5 simple steps, that's all it takes to send the blues away.

step 1: wash it away. a simple treatment for the blahs and the blues is a shower. you'll be surprised how much better you feel when you're squeaky clean. not that you were that dirty to begin with, but...you know what i mean.

step 2: dress to the nines. put on your favorite outfit. you know, the one that makes you look taller and thinner, the one you can't help but strut in. and don't forget the bling!

step 3: tame the mane. don't try to get off easy by throwing your hair into a ponytail. no ma'am, that's not good enough. you've got to really do it up right. curl it, straighten it, tease it up in a bouffant...it doesn't matter as long as you're happy with the way it looks.

step 4: paint your barn. that's what my mom calls putting on your make-up. (gotta love that southern charm!) don't just dab on some under-eye concealer and call it good. a touch of bronzer, a swipe of eyeshadow, a coat or two of mascara, and a nice shade of lipstick can go a long way.

step 5: flaunt it! go out in public, whether it be to the supermarket or work or wherever, and strut your stuff. you are one hot mama and you know it, so let everyone else know it, too. just try not to be smug or say "yeah, i know" when someone else tells you how good you look. ;)

it may seem vain or like a facade or even a bit ridiculous, but i guarantee it works. there's something to be said for caring about your appearance. when the outside looks good, it spreads to the inside. so, give it a try. before you know it, your outside will be reflecting your inside!

NOT The End

2011-05-23T19:40:00.000-04:00

it's been a rough day. although the spotting stopped yesterday morning, the ultrasound didn't go well. there was something in my uterus, but dr. T wasn't comfortable calling it the gestational sac. she sat me down and told me that the numbers are so far from normal that there is just no way this pregnancy could be viable. she was still concerned about the possibility of it being ectopic and said that wednesday has to be the cut off day if the hcg level didn't start to drop.

i've been preparing myself for this, never letting myself get too attached to this pregnancy, trying to let go of my need to control the situation. all that preparation seemed to really help, though not at first. my heart was crushed when she told me all of this, but the part that scared me the most was when she started talking about the medication she wanted to administer on wednesday. i'm sure many of you have heard of methotrexate, but i hadn't. she explained to me that it is often used in large doses to treat cancer, but would be given to me in a much smaller dose and would essentially melt away the fast-growing tissue (aka: the baby). while effective and fast-acting, it comes with a price. this is the part where i started to freak out. apparently, this crap stays in your body for three whole months! during this time it could affect a new pregnancy. that means having to wait three months to even be able to start another treatment. i'm going to be 30 in july and my biological clock has been ticking since i was 16, so three months might as well be three years.

needless to say, i cried...a lot (not in front of her, though. i waited till i got to the car.) and prayed even more. i was able to compose myself before i got to work, but it was difficult. i knew this was coming, but it doesn't lessen the pain of knowing that i'm going to have to suffer through yet another miscarriage.

i'm just thankful for little blessings and tender mercies, though, because the call i got this afternoon saved us from that scenario. my hcg level dropped considerably. it's now down to 66.6. it was a relief to know that my body is going to take care of this on its own, but it still felt like a hot knife had been shoved into my heart.

i have to be tough, though, because our journey isn't over and if i fall apart, B is going to feel guilty for being so far away. i don't want him to feel bad for the situation we're in. he's doing the best he can to provide for us and i'm so grateful for all that he does. it's not his fault he has to work 8 hours away, just like it's not my fault that i'm miscarrying again.

so, in an effort to distract myself, i went to run some errands after work. (yes, i finished out my day at work. aren't you so proud of me? i'm one tough cookie!) i stopped to fill up my tank, which, of course, happened to be the exact moment that the heavens opened up and torrential rain poured down. it was comically appropriate and i couldn't help but laugh. then i headed to walmart to binge on craft supplies. y'all will be glad i did, though, because it was for my next give-away. ;) i also splurged and bought some comfort food, because...well, i just deserve it, gosh darn it!

Living on the Rollercoaster

2011-05-21T12:01:00.000-04:00

if this is how the entire pregnancy is going to be (should it even continue on), it's going to be extremely exhausting.

my ultrasound yesterday morning still didn't show anything, which is what i expected. after i got home, exhaustion took over and what was supposed to be a half hour nap turned into 3 hours. when i woke up, my stomach started cramping pretty bad. well, i thought it was in my stomach, until i sat up and realized it was much lower in my pelvis. i freaked out and ran to the bathroom to find very faint pink spotting.

i cried...a lot. okay, maybe it was more of uncontrollable sobbing, but i've only got so many tears in me...plus, i've been expecting this pregnancy to end at any moment. so, what did i do? i told myself (yes, i do talk to myself out loud) i had two choices. #1: i could wallow in self-pity and be miserable the entire weekend, wasting what little time i have with my husband. #2: i could accept the fact that there is nothing i can do to prevent a miscarriage, get dressed up and put on make-up, and go pick up my husband from the airport and make the most of our weekend. i chose #2.

as i was finishing up my make-up casey, my nurse, called with the hcg results. not quite double, but definitely still rising, up to 329. i told her about the spotting and cramping and she said that it's possible that it's the beginning of a miscarriage, but more than likely it was from the ultrasound. (the tech had been pretty rough. i think she was nervous having the RE looking over her shoulder.) she told me to just take it easy and come back in monday morning to do it all over again. that conversation made me feel much better, but i still kept my guard up.

a few hours and a few tylenol later, the cramping had completely subsided, but the spotting started back up, bright red this time. as of this morning, i'm still spotting off and on with slight cramping, mostly on my right, that creeps up every now and then.

i'm holding up really well, though. i have a busy weekend ahead of me, with a photo shoot this evening, followed by a fun double date to go see pirates of the caribbean and i'm not going to let this get me down. i have no idea what's going on right now and there's nothing i can do about it, so i'm going to stay positive, trust that whatever happens is for our good, and go have fun.

so, happy ICLW to everyone and a huge thank you to everyone for your amazingly sweet and encouraging comments. i feel so loved!

Determinedly Indeterminable

2011-05-18T18:06:00.000-04:00

i think the title says it all. ha ha!

bad news first: it was too early to be able to see the gestational sac. there was something in the uterus, but the doctor said he didn't think (not 100% sure though) it was the baby and that it was most likely a bit of blood, but nothing to worry about.

good news: my hcg level is up to 210!!! a little more than double! YAY! my hope is renewed and i get to be pregnant for at least a couple more days.

i go back in friday morning for more blood work and another ultrasound. it will be the same doctor, dr. O (not my normal dr. T), that did the ultrasound today. i really like him and am happy to work with him again. i appreciated his kindness today and the fact that he was a straight-shooter, and especially that he combined the two.

he told me there are three possible outcomes. #1: this is an ectopic pregnancy. #2: this is an abnormal pregnancy that will result in miscarriage. #3: that this is a normal, healthy pregnancy. i so appreciated that he didn't rule #3 out! anyway, he told me he didn't think it was ectopic, though that is certainly still a possible concern. he said he expects to find our little one nestled in the uterus, but whether it is #2 or #3 is what he expects to have to deal with.

common sense tells me that there's no way this pregnancy could be viable, but...i just have this good feeling. i just know that everything is going to be okay. i don't know if that means that this pregnancy is going to last, i just know that i'm going to be okay... and that feels good.

The Good, The Bad & The...Huh?

2011-05-16T18:03:00.001-04:00

i had this whole post planned to announce my pregnancy. it was clever and cute and completely happy and excited. it's too bad i didn't get to use it.

last monday (13dpiui) i decided to POAS before i left for work. at first glance, i dismissed it as negative and was just about to toss it in the trash when i hesitated. was that a second line? it was so faint, i could hardly tell if it was really there or not. i was in a hurry, so i decided i'd just have to worry about it later. of course, it bugged me all day, practically consuming my thoughts.

as soon as i got home, i grabbed one of my digital HPTs. i needed a definite answer, none of that interpreting the results crap. after a couple of minutes i was shocked to see the word "pregnant". i froze for a second, hand trembling, as i waited for the inevitable "not" to show up in front of "pregnant". it never did. i'm sure you can imagine how excited i was. i sobbed as i took a pic of the result window with my phone to text to B. luckily, i had composed myself by the time he finally saw the text and called me.

my beta was scheduled for the next day and i was so confident. (of course, i had taken 3 more HPTs that evening just to be sure i didn't get a false positive.) part of that confidence came from the thought that surely God would not put us through another loss. surely, after all we've been through, He would bless us with a child this time. needless to say, i was flabbergasted (awesome word, huh?) when casey, my nurse, called and told me that the test came back positive, but the HCG level was only 15. 15? seriously? how is that even possible? the most sensitive of HPTs is reported to detect no less than 25 and the digitals shouldn't pick up on less than 50! i was so confused and heartbroken. casey went on to tell me that dr. T thought it was just a chemical pregnancy and had never actually implanted. she told me to come back in on thursday for another beta.

thursday's beta doubled, but was still really low, only 38. still, i was hopeful. i wasn't about to give up, because the HPTs were gradually having darker results and i was still having the pregnancy symptoms (sore boobs, really tired, etc). casey assured me that it was just a chemical pregnancy and warned me not to get my hopes up. she said they wanted to monitor me until my level dropped to less than 5, so i needed to come back in on monday.

my weekend was filled with emotional ups and downs and lots of anxiety, but i couldn't help but be hopeful, since i wasn't bleeding or having a lot of cramping, and my level had doubled. everything i had read said not to worry about what the initial beta was, that the important thing was the rate at which it doubled. so, there i was holding onto that slight glimmer of hope despite what the doctor was predicting.

i got up super early this morning, took B to the airport, and headed over to my appt. i stared at the phone all day, willing it to ring with good news. finally, casey called. she told me that the level had gone up, but was still low - 96. they were removing the "chemical" from the pregnancy, but they are very concerned with the fact that the beta was still under 100. their biggest fear is that it could be ectopic. i don't blame them, it scares the crap out of me. my two oldest sisters each had an ectopic pregnancy. my oldest sister lost her tube because of it and the second oldest's started to rupture, but was able to keep her tube. seeing what they went through and knowing that it is a possibility for me now terrifies me. however, i know they are catching it early in my case and that everything is going to be alright.

so, here i am, completely exhausted both physically and emotionally, boobs aching, my super sense of smell bringing every rotten odor to my attention...and full of hope. i know i should just write this pregnancy off and completely detach myself emotionally, but i just can't seem to do it. i can't shake this optimism. i don't know how things will go with this pregnancy, but i am grateful for this experience and am absolutely, 100%, without-a-doubt, positive that i am going to be a mother soon. it may be this little bean or it may be a pregnancy in the near future, but, either way, motherhood is on the horizon for me. i can feel it!

You Know You're Infertile When...

2011-05-11T14:39:00.000-04:00

you know you're infertile when every time you need to go to the restroom your first instinct is to grab an OPK or HPT, and when you don't have one handy you think "what a waste of perfectly good urine!"

Congratulations to...

2011-05-10T08:52:00.000-04:00

ok, so i'm a huge slacker (what else is new?) and didn't post this last night, but the winner (chosen by random.org, though i am just too lazy today to post a pic of the widget) is #11: david & kelli, though i'm guessing this is more for kelli than for david...just sayin'.

anyway, congrats to the winner!!!

a big thank you to everyone who entered. don't worry if you didn't win, because i have tons more give-aways coming up in the very near future!

Last Call

2011-05-08T22:33:00.000-04:00

i literally just flew in from a fabulous weekend with B. it was so great, just what i needed to recharge my batteries. last night, B surprised me by taking me to the beach (he has a really cute little cottage right by the beach up there) to sit in the sand, cuddle, talk, and watch the waves. it was kind of chilly, so he held me tight while we chatted about nothing in particular. it was definitely the most romantic date i've ever been on. i love how mushy he can be sometimes. ;)

and just a reminder to enter my give-away if you haven't yet. the drawing is tomorrow, monday 5/9 at 9 pm!

The Parenting Game: Round 5

2011-05-06T08:30:00.002-04:00

it's time for my favorite game!!! this will have to tide you all over until i get home from visiting my hubby. ;)

for those that are new to this game, here's how it goes...i show you a pic of a really "awesome" parent then we all take a turn saying why we'd be a better parent without stating the obvious. sarcasm is always appreciated here and the more outrageous it gets, the better!

i'd be a better parent than this one, because i'd spring for a digital camera.

if you haven't entered my give-away, there's still time! hurry, though, because it ends monday night!

oh, and if you have any nominations for a humpday hero, email them to me at storkdropzone at gmail dot com.

Ho-Hum

2011-05-05T20:05:00.000-04:00

there really isn't much to report this cycle. i'm 9dpiui, but everything feels the same as last month (minus the fact that the boobs are a little more sore this time around). if i'm being completely honest with myself, i really don't think it worked this time around either. i'm not really a pessimistic person most of the time (maybe it's the hormones), but i feel pretty certain that i'm not pregnant. i'm surprisingly okay with it. i feel totally calm, still hopeful that it will work eventually, and kind of content with the outcome of this cycle.

overall this has been a really long week. it probably doesn't help that i'm living alone these days. i'm adjusting better than i thought i would, getting used to going to bed alone and coming home to just a couple of cats. B and i skype every night, which is great, but it's just not the same as having him here. at least i get to fly up there early in the morning and spend the whole weekend with him...celebrating un-mother's day. ;)

the highlight of my week, though, has been that my silhouette sd showed up. B ordered it for me the weekend before last and it was waiting for me when we got home from the beach sunday night. i am having a blast playing around with it! y'all should be excited about it too, because it means lots more give-aways in the future!

Things I Just Won't Do

2011-05-04T16:35:00.000-04:00

i've spent a lot of time thinking about the things i'll do when we finally have a child. i'll take her here, i'll buy him that...blah blah blah... what i forget to think about is the the list of things i won't do when that happy day arrives. so, for future reference, i thought i'd put that list together to help prevent me from falling into the sappy and sometimes disgusting traps that other new parents sometimes do.

10: i won't film my child going to the bathroom, whether or not i think the face he/she makes when pooping is adorable.
9: i won't call that poop a "boom boom". that's just weird.
8: i won't breastfeed my child past the point of being able to converse with them. as soon as they can say "mommy, i'm hungry" and point to the boob it becomes creepy.
7: i won't dress myself and my child in matching outfits. (nothing better than seeing a mom and her daughter wearing the same polka dot dress. ick!)
6: i won't succumb to the baby talk. "baby want bah-bah?" like nails on a chalkboard.
5: i won't put the cat in the room with my kid while i run an errand and call it babysitting.
4: i won't try to arrange a marriage with the baby across the street...at least not right away.
3: i won't save the umbilical cord or placenta for a keepsake to hang on the wall or display in any way, shape, or form. ewww, ewww, ewww!
2: i won't use my bare fingers to pick boogers out of my kid's nose in public (or in private). i've seen this happen way too often and it just gets more disgusting every time.
1: i won't have my baby's face tattooed on any part of my body. what, do you think i want to have to look at something like this for the rest of my life:

or this:

yeah, not for me.

what won't you do as a parent?

***just a reminder to send me your humpday hero nominations at storkdropzone at gmail dot com

and...

***it's still not too late to enter my latest give-away. (hint, hint)

The Tour Begins

2011-05-03T08:34:00.000-04:00

we rent a small townhouse in a small town. it's just right for our budget and, now, the fact that i live here by myself. it's just a two bedroom with a tiny kitchen, a tiny dining room, and a rather small living room. it's less than half the size of the house we owned in florida, but not much smaller than the house we still own out west (we rent it out). we're debating whether or not to stay in it for another year or rent a larger house (don't want to buy another one until we finally sell the house out west). it's pretty cozy, though, and pretty inexpensive to live in, so there's a good chance we'll (i'll) stick it out for one more year.

anyway, i think you can tell a lot about a personality by looking at the rooms they've decorated. so, i thought we could start with my tiny dining room.

table/chairs: 2nd hand (i refinished the table, but still need to do the chairs), $30; light: 2nd hand: $20

my fave chair! needs the seat re-upholstered

the curtain i put together to hide our pantry area: $10

i'm obsessed with picture frames/wall hangings. most of these came from big lots for $5

i repainted all of these and even distressed them to add character.

trivia fact: all of the pics in the frames were taken by me. :)

so, now you know how crazy my style is and how i go overboard with the DIY. next time i'll show you my tiny kitchen.

also, don't forget to email me your humpday hero nominations! thestorkdropzone at gmail dot com

and if you haven't already entered my give-away, there's still time!

It's Time for a Give-Away!

2011-05-02T07:23:00.000-04:00

as promised, we're doing another give-away! yay! this give-away begins now and ends monday, may 9th at 9 pm.

here's what i'm giving away:

it's an elastic headband with two handmade chiffon rosettes on it...made by yours truly. i wanted to share a little bit of my own style, so i hope you like it!

how to enter:

step 1: if you aren't already a follower, become one! it's easy and free!
step 2: leave me a comment letting me know that you want to be entered.
step 3: continue to be your completely awesome self. ;)

simple, right? now hurry up and enter!

Favorite Posts: Part 3

2011-05-01T08:30:00.004-04:00

this has to be my all-time favorite post, because it mixes in people i love with a story that will make you laugh.

vicarious mommy moments

because every now and then i need a laugh... and because i often live vicariously through my siblings experiences in mothering...

i have lots of nieces and nephews, but let's talk about one of them. we'll call him E. the son of one of my younger sisters, E is a really special boy, pretty much a miracle child. everyone loves him and he's so adorable he can get away with practically anything. i have tons of stories about this energetic 3 year old, but here's my favorite:

E's dad loves getting together with his friends to play basketball. they usually meet up at the church's indoor court, which is more of a "cultural hall" than a gym, because of the large curtained stage that takes up the east wall. anyway, last week, E's dad took him and his cousin K (my older brother's son) to the church with him. a lot of E's dad's friends bring their kids and let them all run around on the stage while the fathers play b-ball. E was ecstatic to be included and even more excited that K would be coming, too!

my mom and E

E's dad was so into the game that he barely heard K calling for him. "E's dad? E's dad? E's dad! E'S DAD!!!" he shouted from the stage. he always forgets to call him uncle J. E's dad called a time out and ran over to see if K was alright.

"ummm...E is pooping behind the curtain."

"what?!?" E's dad exclaimed as he vaulted onto the stage and ran around, pulling back curtains until he found his little troublemaker.

there he was, squatting, trousers dropped to his ankles, and where he hovered - what appeared to be a steaming adult sized pile of fresh poo resting on the hardwood floor of the stage. all the dads crowded the stage, laughing hysterically at little E, his pile of poo, and the biggest grin spread across his proud face. poor E's dad could only laugh as he cleaned him and his pile up.

thought you might get a kick out of that story. :)

Favorite Posts: Part 2

2011-04-30T08:30:00.002-04:00

here's another oldie, but goodie...

enjoying the ride

i feel so full of hope today and i'm so excited about what's to come. of course, when i really think about it all, my stomach does flip flops, my head starts to spin, and my palms get all sweaty, but i think it's more from excited nerves than anything else.

i'm feeling a little reminiscent today, as well. i was doing my usual blog-stalking of other infertiles out there when i was reminded of some of the odd things i've done in an effort to increase my fertility. my favorite story would have to be the time we were visiting my BIL and his family in jacksonville, florida. this was about a year after our first miscarriage, which was still haunting me (still does) in a major way. all i could talk about was getting preggo. actually, all i could think about was getting preggo. my SIL, who has had 3 kids with no problems and loves being preggo (just doesn't want any more kids) was thoroughly encouraging me in my obsession. we all drove down to st. augustine for a little shopping at the outlets and the entire ride was filled with this continued dialogue. as most of you know, there is a ripley's believe it or not museum in st. augustine. we weren't planning on going there, but we were driving right past it. remembering that we would be right by it, my SIL excitedly told me about the two statues that guarded the entrance to the museum. she had heard that they were fertility statues and all you had to do was touch one of them. i laughed it off, but secretly hoped it was true. we happened to be stopped at a traffic light right by the museum and i could see them standing there on either side of the gate. they seemed a little ferocious looking to be fertility statues, but i thought "what the heck!" well, that and my SIL practically pushed me out of the car. my heart was racing with the excitement as i ran to them. being rather timid by nature, this was full-on thrill-seeking for me! i pushed my way past the people on the sidewalk in pursuit of just one touch before the light turned to green. i finally made it! i slapped both hands on the belly of a vicious looking guard, sword raised over his head just as the light changed and the people behind our car starting honking impatiently. i frantically retreated to the safety of the car where i was greeted by laughter at my superstitiousness (is that a word?). as it has been 5 years and i still don't have a child, you can guess that it didn't work. the best part of the story, though, is that as i was googling pics of the statues, i learned that those scary statues were the wrong ones! my SIL had confused them with the pair of friendly, south american-looking statues on exhibit in the museum. boy, do i feel gullible! how could i confuse these
statues for these
statues? that's about par for the course, though. :)

Favorite Posts: Part 1

2011-04-29T07:27:00.000-04:00

since i'll be out of town all weekend, i didn't want to leave y'all completely bored and missing me. ;) so, i decided to republish a few of my favorite posts.

top 10 reasons why women with PCOS have it made

since getting my diagnosis, i've been a little bummed. you never want to hear that there is something wrong with you, regardless of the fact that "it could be much worse". (if i have to hear that one more time...) i really needed to see a silver lining or two to this cloud so, in an effort to cheer myself up, and anyone else with PCOS, here's a list of the top 10 reasons why women with PCOS have it made:

10. no need to schedule things around AF, because she probably won't show up anyway.
9. since she doesn't show up, it makes you wonder if you could actually be preggo. you buy a case of HPTs and get to work. you've just done your part to help the economy!
8. acne is completely underrated! you're 35, but those zits make you look 17 again.
7. it takes the worry out of "accidental pregnancies". no need for BCP! you are your own form of contraceptive!
6. with that newly deepened voice, you can change your career to become a lounge singer. everyone loves to listen to a woman who sounds like a man.
5. sure your boobs are shrinking, but now bras are optional!
4. your efforts to get preggo lead you to an RE, AI, IUI, and even IVF. yeah, you're spending a small fortune (your life's savings), but once again, you're single-handedly fixing the economy (and learning lots of cool acronyms)!
3. that new chunk of hair that has fallen out is sure to be the latest trend. everyone wants male pattern baldness now, even women. bald is beautiful!
2. all that extra weight you're carrying may be heavy, but think of it as extra padding in case of an accident. *CRASH* look at that! your fat just saved your life!

and the number 1 reason is...

1. thanks to your new mustache and beard, you've got a new side job. you've turned your cubicle into a sideshow booth, because people will pay anything to see the bearded lady.

how's that for a silver lining?

Lucky Me!

2011-04-28T18:53:00.000-04:00

i've never been accused of being lucky before. in fact, my kind of luck goes something along the lines of what's going on this weekend:

we're headed to the beach in the morning. it was supposed to be a trip for me to be able to run the half marathon i started training for at the end of december. that was, until my RE told me no more running. from the time of the trigger shot to the beta i can do anything that doesn't bounce me, which rules out the one thing i was training to do! the best part is that i already paid for the non-refundable race. oh well. at least i'll get my t-shirt and a little vacation out of it, since we already rented a condo for the weekend. plus, my 2 best friends are running it, so we can hang out with them and their other halves as well as root for them while they show me up. ;)

however...i'm hoping that i'm seeing signs that my luck is changing. what signs am i seeing, you ask? well, for starters, the way everything finally came together for us to be able to do the IUI. that's sign #1. sign #2 is that i won 2 (not one, but two!) give-aways back to back recently. how is that even possible? i never win anything! i can't even tell you how many give-aways i've entered, it's got to be somewhere in the hundreds range, but nothing, nada, zip. then, all of a sudden, out of the clear blue, i won two? yay me!

the first was from miss mac. it was an absolutely precious vera bradley binder clip & pocket notebooks set. love, love, love it! (i hope to be able to mark OB appts and note my pregnancy symptoms in the notebooks soon. ;) )

the second was from foxy. this time i got to choose a fertility bracelet from bloomingtastic on etsy. her stuff is adorable and i'm totally in love with the bracelet i chose. (hopefully the fertility enhancing stones will work their magic on my lady bits!)

thank you two so much for doing the give-aways (and for choosing such fabulous prizes)!!! they are both amazing bloggers and i'm totally addicted to reading their posts. if you haven't visited them yet, you are seriously missing out. so, get your buns over there and follow them! :)

while i try not to put too much stock in luck, seeing fortuitous things happening in my life, whether big or small, really gives me hope. plus, now i can't help but cross my fingers, wish on stars, and knock on wood. this luck things is becoming a compulsion!

A Consolation Prize

2011-04-27T18:39:00.000-04:00

i dropped the ball. i have no idea where my brain has been the past few weeks, but it certainly wasn't in my head.

today was supposed to be hero humpday, but i totally spaced and forgot to respond to this week's winner to coordinate the post info a couple of weeks ago. for some reason, i thought i had, so i went into my email last night to retrieve it and get started on her award post, but nnnoooooo... it wasn't in there. why? because i'm an idiot. so, to our winner and to all of you supporters out there, i apologize.

i need to make it up to you all, so as soon as i publish this post i am going to get back to the task at hand, which is (drumroll, please)... making a little somethin'-somethin' for a give-away! i'm not going to tell you what it is yet, but i will let you in on 2 things about it. 1. it is a little sampling of my style. 2. it is the only the beginning. i have been in creative overdrive and have put together a list of seriously 30 ideas for future give-aways. i am so stinking excited to get going with all of them, so stay tuned to see what it is!

and back to our cycle...i am 1dpiui. the procedure went well and i am currently ~~loathing~~ enjoying my progesterone suppositories. thank you so much for all of the support, encouragement, and well wishes we've received these past 2 cycles! i am constantly amazed by how incredible the IF community is. here i am, a complete stranger, and yet all of you are there for me. every comment i receive means so much to me. thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

now, the next dilemma we have in store for us is how do i get through the next 2 weeks without obsessing over every little twinge and twitch?!? i think i'm going to use this time to work on current & future give-aways, as well as give all of you out there in blog-land a virtual tour of my home! what better way to get to know someone than to see there home, their style, and their random crap? (just pretend you're excited) ;)

Yup, I'm Stylish

2011-04-26T09:55:00.000-04:00

i have to admit that i've been wanting this award. i don't even know if it means the blog is stylish or the blogger is stylish, but either way i'll take it! ;)

thanks so much to baby hopes over at chasing our stork for nominating me!!!

so, here's how it works:

snatch the image.
link back the person who gave you the award.
share 7 things about myself
award 10 other bloggers and contact them so they know they’ve won.

my seven things:

i am married to a giant. if i stand up really straight, i can pass for 5'5", but that's still over a foot shorter than B, who is 6'9". i love being able to wear heels without worrying about being taller than the hubby!
my eyes change colors. sometimes they're blue, other times they're green, and occasionally they even look grey. i'm like an optical chameleon! ;)
i work for the county library system, but i'm not a librarian. (still a huge nerd, though!) i work in the public relations department as a graphic designer. i create the signs, etc. for the programs that take place at the different library branches throughout the county.
7 and 11 are my lucky numbers. i don't really believe in lucky numbers, but these two numbers seem to follow me around. i am the 7th of 11 kids, i was born in the 7th month, and i weighed 7lb 11oz when i was born. weird, huh?
since B has been living in rhode island, i've discovered something about myself... wait for it...i am a bed hog. it's true. when i'm the only one in the bed, i sleep sprawled out right in the middle. shocking, isn't it?!?
i rarely win disagreements with B. he is so calm and eloquent, even when he's furious. i, on the other hand, get all tongue tied and can't keep my train of thought together. so, i usually just cave in and agree with him/apologize (depending on the situation) just to get me out of having to have a battle of words that i am sure to lose.
i have a closeted desire to become a writer. i have all these ideas swirling around in my head that need to be written down, ideas for plots, characters, fictional worlds... but i don't want to write anything really sappy, rather exciting and funny with characters you can relate to and feel for. someday, maybe...

now, for my nominees (in no particular order):

thank you so much to baby hopes for this award!!!

now, if you'll excuse me, i need to go get knocked up. ;)

Averting Disaster

2011-04-24T16:47:00.000-04:00

whew! that was a close one! this morning, B went to check in for his flight tomorrow morning and realized that he had confused it with next weekend's flight arrangements. EEK! his actual flight was supposed to leave at 8 pm tonight! holy hyperventilation, batman! no frozen sperm, no frozen sperm...that's what was running through my mind. (sounds totally sick and twisted now that i think back on that.)

of course, we realized this on our way to the rockville clinic. i started to freak out that we were going to have to cancel this cycle, because at the soonest we would be able to do the IUI on tuesday and with no little soldiers on ice there would be no reason to trigger at all. we decided to just go to the appointment, see where we were at with my follies and hormone levels, and figure out a solution, even if that involved canceling the cycle.

i had a different tech today and i really liked her. she told me not to worry about the follicle shrinking yesterday and that everything looked to still be right on track. my lining went up to 8.1, my 17mm follie on my left grew to 18.6, the 15 on my right is up to a 17.2, the 15 on my left stayed about the same and my estrogen jumped back up to 598.

after the scan, we sat down with one of the nurses to go over everything. she said that, considering the size of my follies, she expected me to be able to trigger today and that we should be doing the IUI on tuesday. we asked about the freezing, whether it would be worth it to reschedule his flight for tomorrow so that he could still do the deposit tomorrow. she explained that motility and count tends to go down when you freeze and that we could do it, but fresh would be better.

B and i talked after i got the call that we have the go ahead to trigger and came to the conclusion that with that info and the cost of $250 to freeze it, as well as the cost of changing his flight, it would be more cost effective and we would have a better chance of this all working if we just changed his flight to tuesday (having him work from home) so that he would be here for the big event. so...i get 2 extra days with B and i get to have him here for the IUI! YAY!!!

oh, and by the way, happy easter!

not sure why, but i find this pic rather disturbing. :)

Egg Hunt

2011-04-23T21:54:00.000-04:00

no hunting for easter eggs this year. instead, we're looking for a different kind of eggs!

this morning's appointment didn't go as well as i had hoped. i had to drive all the way down to rockville (an hour away), because my local clinic isn't open on the weekends. i really don't like going to that clinic, because they are way too crowded (which i understand, because it's one of the only ones open on the weekends) and the staff just aren't quite as friendly as they are at my usual clinic.

the results were kind of disappointing, too. of the 4 follies i have, the 12 shrunk down to a 10, two of the 15's are still 15's and the other 15 grew to a 17. not too bad, but not what i was hoping for. also, my lining measured at 8.8 yesterday, but today it measured at 7.3 and my estrogen dropped from about 490 to down to about 350. is it normal for my lining to thin out or could it have been a miscalculation due to the fact that it was two different u/s techs doing the measurements? i'm so confused and disheartened. i hope this isn't a bad sign.

in other bad news, since we aren't doing the IUI tomorrow, like we had hoped, B won't be here for it. that's bad, but it's not the worst part. we don't have any swimmers frozen. not good. terrible. worst case scenario. i called the rockville office, where they do the freezing, to see if by chance he could make a deposit this weekend. no dice. they're way too booked and don't have the staff available to do any freezing on the weekends. luckily, B's flight back to the island of rhode is at 7:30 am, which happens to be the time the clinic said i can drop off his little guys, and a really awesome friend of ours offered to take him to the airport so i can make the delivery. we only have a two hour window for him to produce and to get it to the clinic to be washed and frozen, so with all of this having to be so perfectly orchestrated, my head is spinning!

on top of that, insurance doesn't cover the freezing, so that's $250 out of our pockets. don't think i'm complaining, because i know how truly blessed we are that insurance is paying for pretty much everything else. we just didn't expect to have to pay it, especially now that we're having to pay for completely separate living situations for B and myself.

the good news is that when i was looking into whether or not the freezing was covered, i found out that they've changed our coverage to include another try at IVF per live birth. so, rather than having only 3 tries, we have four! there's my silver lining. :)

If Only Life Were Like TV...

2011-04-22T10:19:00.000-04:00

with B gone and all of our shows on the tivo being saved for when he gets home on the weekends, i'm left with little else to watch on the hundreds of channels we have. why is it that with so many channels there is still nothing good on TV? sorry, i digress...

yesterday, after an excellent yoga class, i flipped on the TV and started surfing. an old rerun of the king of queens came on, which was a far better choice than any of the other shows. it was an episode i had seen before, years ago, but that was before we started the fertility treatments. let me tell you, knowing what i know now made a huge difference in what i paid attention to in the episode.

in this particular episode, doug (kevin james) and carrie (leah remini) decided to pursue help in the baby-making department. they had had a miscarriage a few months before and had been having trouble getting pregnant since. the episode starts out with her holding a pee stick, waiting for the results, which of course was negative. she then tells doug that they need to see a specialist. he doesn't want to, but she calls anyway only to be told that there's a long wait to get an appointment. then, miraculously, there's a sudden cancellation and they're able to get in that afternoon! oh, what luck!

later it shows them in with the RE (jane lynch) who tells them something along the lines of "we ran all the tests this afternoon and doug's numbers are great, but you, carrie, only have one good ovary. the good news, however, is that you are ovulating right now on the good side!" yay! they can go home and baby-dance the night away!

wait just a second, there...so, you're telling me that she hasn't had her period (why else would she pee on a stick?), got all of her testing done within a couple of hours (so much for CD3 bloodwork, CD12 ultrasounds, etc!), got her diagnosis right away, and just happens to be ovulating, even though she hasn't had a period? seriously? if only it were that easy!!!

i appreciate that this sitcom tried to shine a spotlight on infertility, i really do, but couldn't they have made it just the tiniest bit realistic? they had to know we'd notice how contrived and far-fetched it all was. why can't we see shows where real people (not celebrities like giuliana rancic, where half the crap is probably scripted) battle infertility (and hopefully win)? instead of giving away a million dollars for answering a question correctly, i think there should be a show that gives deserving couples the chance to go through fertility treatments, documenting their real life experiences with all their highs and lows. i want to watch a couple that i can relate to and feel for, that wouldn't have had the chance otherwise, seek treatment and finally be able to bring home a baby. now, that's a TV show i would watch!

oh, and in the latest IUI cycle #2 news, it's CD12 and i am waiting for the results from my bloodwork to come back, but this morning i had 3 follies measuring at 15 and one at 12 for a grand total of 4 potential eggs (2 on each ovary)! they're much larger than they started out last cycle, so i'm expecting to trigger on sunday and do the IUI on tuesday. crossing my fingers!

For Little Ol' Me?

2011-04-21T10:43:00.000-04:00

i have to admit that yesterday, i was having a kind of down day. having B gone was getting to me. but...then i saw that i got an award and it turned that frown upside down! ;) thank you so much to baby hopes at chasing our stork: our journey with infertility for giving me the versatile blogger award!!!

so, here's how this thing works:

winners grab the image above and put it in your blog.
link back to the person who gave you it.
tell 10 things about yourself
award 15 recently discovered bloggers.
contact the bloggers you have awarded to let them know they have won.

ten things about me:

i've had baby names picked out since i was 16. while other girls were dreaming of the perfect wedding, i was dreaming about the perfect nursery.
i'm a super picky eater. the list of things i like is way shorter than the list of things i don't like. no pickle cravings for me when i get pregnant!
in an effort to become more cultured, i've decided to go back and read all the classics that my english/literature teachers (both high school & college) never assigned me to read. i recently read the count of monte cristo (loved it!) and am about to start vanity fair.
B and i never really dated before we got married. we went from being best friends to "i think i'm in love with you. let's get married." our 9th anniversary is in july!
i have this subconscious (well, conscious now) to over-commit myself. i have a tendency to take on way too many projects. i think it's just a classic case of needing to be needed.
B and i skype every night now, during which time we are re-reading harry potter and the deathly hallows (aka - i read to him while he makes faces at me). B loves it when i try to do a british accent - he thinks it's hilarious!
i'm a movie addict. it's so bad that i have several loaded on my ipod and i listen to/watch them at work.
i have 9 sisters (and 2 brothers, but that's beside the point. ha ha!) and they all look like barbies. i think i was adopted.
i hate airplanes. it's not so much the flying, although the motion sickness certainly isn't ideal, as it is the being stuck in your seat after you've landed, waiting to get off the plane. i hate being in crowds of people, so being stuck with a huge group in a flying can is just a recipe for a panic attack.
i have this compulsive need to buy picture frames. i don't know why, but i'm obsessed with them, especially when i get a good deal on them. of course, i use them all, but i'm starting to run out of wall space. i'll have to post a pic sometime of my dining room wall.

here are my nominees for the versatile blogger award:

also, a big welcome to all the ICLWers stopping by!!! this is my second time to participate and i'm super excited! just a quick synopsis of where we are: B and i have been TTC for *gulp* 8 and a half years with some miscarriages under our belt. thanks to my awesome new job, i now have insurance that covers fertility treatments for us, so we are in the midst of our 2nd IUI, with one more set before we move on to IVF. thanks for checking out the stork drop zone!

Hero Humpday

2011-04-20T08:23:00.001-04:00

wow, wednesday got here fast!

this week's humpday hero is A from remember all the way! her posts are always positive with a strong spiritual undertone that makes you feel comfortable, like you've known her forever. she has such an amazing story - after battling infertility for way too long, she is now enjoying having a little blessing on the way and it happened naturally! she posted a quote recently that seems really fitting: "when you've been through hell, you tend to appreciate heaven." so, head on over and congratulate her on her award and on her bun in the oven!

without futher ado...meet A!

As it says in my profile, I couldn't believe I was turning 30 (last summer) and still didn't have kids. I got married when I was 25, and in 2007 we decided to stop preventing and see if we conceived. No dice, and in 2008, we started out with some basic testing which showed normal results. In 2009, we went to see an RE who said that my 7dpo progesterone was a tad low, and he prescribed clomid. Of course I thought that it would be the magic medicine, but we had no luck. We tried injectable IUI's at the end of 2009, and in 2010, we moved onto IVF. Our first IVF cycle was cancelled due to low response, and our second IVF cycle brought us one precious embie who sadly did not stay with us. We were emotionally drained and decided in the summer of 2010 to start eating organically, cutting out processed foods. I started going to weekly acupuncture in October 2010, as well as taking a variety of natural supplements (prenatal, Vitamin D, Wheatgrass, Royal Jelly). In 2011, We vowed to be the healthiest and happiest we could be and live life well, despite not having a child. I started practicing yoga daily and added daily meditation. On January 29, 2011, we were blown away with a totally natural BFP. It took us a week or two to even believe it- after all that we had been through and all that had failed, we had made a baby the old fashioned way. We hope that our story will bring hope to those who read it to never give up hope, but to also encourage you to be the healthiest and happiest you can be to create a beautiful body that is ready to nurture a little one!!!

(10 things about me)
1. Hubby and I grind our own wheat flour, and I use it to make 100% whole wheat bread for us. I haven't bought bread at the store in at least a year!
2. I love gardening- vegetable and perennials. I don't know why more people don't use perennials- they are the best- you don't have to buy new flowers every year!!!
3. I was a endurance runner in "the past"...I've completed 2 marathons (4:02 and 4:19), 2 half marathons (forget the time), and a bunch of 10-miler's. I loved running, and maybe I will be one of those 50-year-old ladies who get back into it and beat the pants off 20-somethings, like what used to happen to me!!
4. I am the oldest of 4 kids- two younger sisters and a younger brother- and we all get along awesome!
5. I volunteered at the Ronald McDonald House for 4 years before we moved to our current city.
6. I work from home, and I LOVE IT!!!
7. My least favorite household chore is dusting.
8. Hubby and I bought half a cow (grass fed) from a local farmer in the fall, and we get the rest of our meat/eggs from a local Mennonite farm.
9. I would rather eat a bag of Sour Patch Kids any day than some chocolate.
10. I love to mow the grass. B-)

(Message to the Readers)
Like I said in my bio, I just hope our story inspires you to never give up on your dream of expanding your family. Last year, our dream for our family included a baby, but by the end of last year, we had to be realistic with ourselves that that might not happen- we figured after all that we tried had failed there was no way it would happen on its own. So we sort of changed our dream to just include the two of us as a family- because we just couldn't bear the constant rise and fall of emotions/expectations. Then, of course, we conceived our little one on our own, and I know that sounds an awful lot like the dreadful "just stop trying and you will get pregnant"......but I would love for people to focus on the idea of really creating an environment for your baby to thrive. I think before we started eating better and doing natural things to enhance our health, we were so focused on the end goal, we didn't realize how we really weren't preparing the best environment for the baby. I think that most natural things can be used in conjunction with medical treatments, but even if some supplements are not recommended with meds, I still encourage my sisters-in-infertility to incorporate some yoga (pulling down the moon has a great DVD- not being paid to say that, but i just loved their practice!) and/or meditation and/or acupuncture into their lives to give their bodies and minds a chance to prepare to welcome a baby. Don't lose hope!!!

congrats to A!!! and don't forget to send me your nominees! you can email them to me at storkdropzone at gmail dot com.

The 31st Law of Infertility

2011-04-19T10:36:00.000-04:00

the 31st law of infertility states that regardless of which online search engine is used, search parameters input, or reason for the online search, any and all online image searches performed by an infertile will include at least one picture of a pregnant woman.

thanks for reminding me that i'm not pregnant, google!

this pic is thanks to glamour magazine and if you want to read the article that goes with it, click here. it's called how to get pregnant exactly when you want to and i couldn't help but laugh when i read it. nowhere in there does it tell you anything about how to get pregnant (as if we need to read about the birds and the bees on that one), let alone how to do it on a timeline.

oh, and thanks, glamour, for pointing out to me that 70% of couples get pregnant within the first 6 months and that we're not one of them!

On My Own

2011-04-18T20:52:00.000-04:00

having B home an extra two weeks has been amazing, but, alas, all good things must come to an end. we drove him up to rhode island yesterday, had a wonderful last night together (not wanting it to end, we stayed up past midnight!), and put me on a plane back home this afternoon.

the house feels incredibly empty right now, but i'm handling it all way better than i thought i would. i have lots of plans and projects to keep me really busy so that the week days will fly by and the weekends will get here that much sooner. i've decided to join the local Y, so i can have options to workout that don't involve bouncing (ie. running), since my RE vetoed all activities that fall into that category. so, i'll be going with my friend from work every week day as soon as we get off. i'm really looking forward to it! i've missed running, so super excited to at least be active. i've also got some craft projects lined up and some odds and ends things in the furniture department that i want to get done.

i love being crafty and finding awesome ways to save money stylishly. ;) so, here's my new to-do list (i'm posting this mostly because i just love bullet lists):

i got these cheapo t-shirts at walmart the other day, along with some random bolts of fabric, and i'm going to embellish the shirts with fabric flowers. when all is said and done, each one should cost me under $5.
i'm also going to sand my mismatched dining room chairs and paint them white and make matching cushions for them. i bought them for $5 each at goodwill. i love that they don't match, but i need to tie them all together somehow
i've got a ton of pics to edit from recent photo shoots that i've put on the back-burner for too long. i'm heading into a busy season for photo shoots, so i've really got to buckle down.
i plan to make some new throw pillows for our living room. we need some more color, but there's no way i'm spending $30 on a pillow that i could make for $5-$10.
we really need some end tables in our living room, but, once again, my ~~cheap~~ frugal side just won't let me spend the money. instead, i plan to make a trip to home depot and a trip to joann's fabrics to gather up supplies to build my own. it's my own design, too, so we'll see how they turn out. my carpenter skills are a little iffy.

i'm trying to stay positive and look on the bright side, such as focusing on the things i can accomplish without B distracting me, but the truth is i miss him and i pray that this year will fly by. i know i'll get to see him on friday, but that just isn't enough for me. all of my positivity seems to go right out the window when i think of going to bed by myself tonight.

ok, time for a subject change! here's where we're at this cycle. i finished taking my clomid last night, which puts us at CD8 today. i've got my blood work and ultrasound scheduled for friday morning. if all goes as planned, we'll be triggering that night and doing the IUI on easter sunday. let's just hope that my follies are growing fast, because how awesome would that be!?!

now, if you'll excuse me, i have a skype date with my husband. ;)

Spring!

2011-04-15T18:00:00.000-04:00

there's something about this time of year that fills me with hope, especially in regards to TTC. it seems like life is springing up all around me, leaves sprouting, flowers blooming, everybody announcing their BFPs... ;) it feels like we are so close to getting ours, too. *fingers crossed*

i am on day three of clomid (AF arrived monday and i got the go ahead to start taking it on wednesday) and the hot flashes are due any minute now. so far, i still feel emotionally balanced, but that's subject to change, too. ha ha!

right now i'm just enjoying my time with B and not worrying about how this cycle goes. i feel really at peace at the moment, hopeful for the future, but grateful for what i have. it's a nice break from the hormotional roller coaster that is infertility. *insert sigh of contentment*

my blood work and ultrasound to see if i can trigger are scheduled for next friday. if all goes according to plan, the IUI should be next sunday. that means B will be in town! yay!

The Parenting Game: Round 4

2011-04-14T19:28:00.000-04:00

i've been sick for almost 2 weeks now, so i finally broke down and went to the doctor yesterday. (i see enough doctors on a regular basis now. i avoid seeing any more than are absolutely necessary.) since B has been sick for longer than me, i decided to let him tag along. ;) turns out he has a sinus infection and i have bronchitis. blah!

not to make excuses, but that's why i haven't been blogging/commenting like crazy this week. sorry! i've got some major catching up to do, but i'm not sure when i'll get to do it, since we're leaving for the island of rhode on saturday and i don't get back till monday.

so, since i have been lacking in the entertainment department, i thought now would be the perfect time to play another round of the parenting game! yay! we had such great responses last time and i hope to see lots this time, too.

for those of you who haven't played before, the point is to tell us why you'd be a better parent than this one without stating the obvious. sarcasm is always encouraged and the more outrageous the reason, the better!

here's this round's pic:

i'd be a better parent than this one, because i'd at least take off the diaper before lighting that bad boy up. nothing worse than chewing on charred diaper.

your turn!

Hero Humpday

2011-04-13T08:42:00.000-04:00

i'm super excited about today's humpday hero! i'm a recent fan and have been loving reading her blog. congratulations goes to bridget from the lost stork for being awarded the humpday hero award! be sure to stop by her blog to see for yourself just how awesome and inspiring she is!

introducing bridget...

I can't believe I was chosen for "Humpday Hero", you guys are the best. Thank you so much, I am truly honored!! I remember the first blog I read about a girl going through IVF and I thought to myself... she sounds just like me- if she can do it, I can do it- and my blog, The Lost Stork, was born. I started blogging in December of 2009 and it has been such a wonderful experience. I had no idea that there were so many amazing people out there dealing with the same things I was dealing with and that they would become some of the best friends I have. Even though I've never met any of you, I look forward to your comments, support, and enthusiasm after each one of my posts and my husband could tell you that I talk about you guys all the time. I am so happy to be a part of this community.

Now for my Bio...this is going to be tough, I'm terrible at writing about myself (I know, strange coming from a blogger). It's funny how your Bio changes when you're classified as infertile. Before IF I would have talked about my job and what I like to do for fun and now my Bio includes my failed pregnancies and IF treatments!

I'm Bridget from The Lost Stork http://ourstorkgotlost.blogspot.com and I have unexplained infertility. I was born and raised on a farm in the Midwest and I still live about 45 minutes from where I grew up. I met my wonderful husband, Steve, in January of 2008 and we were married in November of 2009 (we didn't mess around, when you know- you know). We wanted to start a family ASAP so I threw out my birth control pills and we started trying right away. In January 2010 I got a BFP that was followed with the worst news I had ever heard- it was ectopic. What happened over the next 3 or 4 weeks is very hard to explain without going into all the gory details but I will try. I was taken to surgery (to remove the pregnancy but leaving the tube intact), after surgery my HCG levels continued to rise, I had surgery #2, HCG continued to rise, I was treated with methotrexate, and finally my fallopian tube ruptured because tissue had been left behind that continued to grow. It was a disaster in every sense of the word. After a couple of months off, we scheduled our first visit with an RE and started trying again. We got another BFP in May that ended a short time later. After a few months on Clomid and 2 failed IUI's our RE brought up IVF. We decided to go for it and started the process in December of 2010. We are now 11 weeks pregnant and thankful every day!! I hope you'll stop by and say hello- I love meeting new bloggers!

10 Unique Things About Me....

1. I'm 6' tall

2. I have 3 cats and a dog that are like children to me

3. I have 2 older sisters and 1 younger brother

4. I don't like food that is sticky- I don't eat syrup or jelly for exactly this reason

5. I'm a reality TV junky (RHW, Big Brother, Hoarders- love them all!)

6. I'm terrified of flying and don't like being away from home

7. I have a Bachelor's Degree in Education but I'm not a teacher

8. I met my husband at a copying machine and asked him out the next day

9. I played the trombone when I was younger

10. My thumbs are two different lengths

Thanks again to the lovely person or people who nominated me and to Carlia for creating this wonderful idea!!

Publicly Infertile

2011-04-11T16:45:00.000-04:00

i hate the idea of wearing "infertile" as a badge, being the only thing i'm known for, but i am no good at keeping things to myself. tell me your secret and my lips are sealed, but when it comes to my own issues, i can't seem to stop the verbal diarrhea. although i try to maintain a small degree of anonymity here, in real life my infertility is well known and much talked about (mostly by me).

it started out that people would ask why we don't have kids and i would say, "well, we've been trying for a while, but it just hasn't happened for us yet." somewhere along the way the word "infertility" got thrown into the mix and there was no turning back.

i don't mind people knowing my business, though. in my mind, it's better they know the truth than label me selfish, self-centered, or anti-kids. i would rather they think that there's something wrong with me physically than mentally or emotionally. i would rather people know of my desperate longing for children than to assume that i've chosen myself over having a family.

i understand why many women who share my plight suffer in silence, as it is a very personal struggle and having so many people watching to see if you finally get knocked up can put unnecessary pressure on you. of course, there is also the judgment that comes from those who think you should just adopt.

i get that everyone has their opinion and i get that some people don't want to share their struggle with others (i don't judge), but, for me, i love being able to talk about it. it's my therapy; it keeps me sane. if i couldn't talk about it, i think it would eat me up inside! i love having such a huge support system. i love knowing that so many people care. sure, the audience makes it doubly hard to announce the BFNs, but knowing that i've got so many cheerleaders, so many prayers going up on our behalf, so many words of encouragement...it all just makes it so much easier to stay positive.

i think that it is because of all of the support i receive from family and friends that i have been able to accept that our first IUI was a failure. no, not a failure. as my sister said to me the day before the beta, whatever the outcome, it is progress. such a great reminder!

B calls me the queen of TMI. he used to be embarrassed by how casually i used the words sperm and uterus. i am proud to announce that i have rubbed off on him! last night, during his weekly call to his parents, i heard him use both words while talking to his dad about the IUI procedures. ha ha! i could just picture his dad cringing on the other end of the line.

it's so nice to be able to look all around us, online and in our everyday lives, and see nothing but support and love. thank you for all of the wonderful comments you have made on here and in person. thank you for your prayers, crossed fingers, and words of encouragement. thank you for caring about us and our journey. oh, and thanks for brightening our weekend with all of the new BFN definitions! ;) B and i had a good laugh over those. laughter is the best medicine and you all made us feel so much better. thank you!